Naturally Optimistic

Check out my work site ( 4 Track Films ) for some cool updates on GOD ROCKS ! There is a photo gallery to view, a behind the scenes "making of..." video to watch and a free music download of our first single called TESTAMENT to rock out to (btw, Dahlia totally rocked out to this song while in utero when we were in the recording studio this summer...see, couldn't get away without mentioning the baby at least once...).

So yesterday Miss Dahlia had her 2 week check up - TWO WEEKS already! How the heck did that happen. She is doing good - gaining a wee bit of weight but at least not losing. She's still not up to her birth weight yet but hopefully will be soon. She weighed in at 5lbs 12oz....that puts her in the 2nd percentile! I guess she's going to be a little one through life - look at her parents! I mean really, we're a combined height of about 10 1/2 feet so.... She's measuring 18.75 inches long (4th percentile) but that is different than the 19 1/4 she was at the hospital. When I said "oh! she's shrinking!" the clinical assistant said - well, we measure differently here... (?). (weird). Everything else on the little one looks good. She's pooping & peeing like a champ; she eats mostly good - except when I try to wake her to eat (ay yi yi - soooo not fun). Her heart, lungs, tummy, legs, arms etc are all as they should be...and she's still just delicious. Au...

*sigh* because I need some. This feeding thing.....it's tough. For some reason I'm just not producing very much which makes for one hungry baby. It is getting a little better but not that much. I'm getting frustrated which I know doesn't help anything...and then I cry (again). We went to the lactation consultant last Thursday. She was very nice & helpful and way less scary than I thought she would be. She weighed Miss Dahlia, gave us some feeding tips, sold me a feeding pillow (she didn't push it - I just used it there and loved it), gave us some formula samples for supplementing if we needed it, made a "Plan" for us and all was good...but the milk still didn't come. So we went back on Monday. I started taking the herbal supplement fenugreek on Saturday and thought by Monday it would've "kicked in" - but it hasn't really. We weighed her again and she was over her discharge weight (yay!) but I'm still freaking out because I don...

1. You can never have *too many* burp cloths. 2. No matter how tired you are, somehow you will make it through each day and each night. (although I am still sort of dreading the nights right now). 3. There is a lot more crying than I'd expected - from me, not her. 4. Girls are very capable of spraying you with their pee, just like boys. 5. Just when you think you've outsmarted them by layering a towel over the clean diaper, they will poop immediately upon putting the new diaper on anyway. 6. Breastfeeding is hard. 7. I HAVE to spend time just looking at her and cuddling her and kissing her - I can't imagine not doing that for most of my day. 8. Some days (hours?) I will just feel like freaking out. 9. Having a husband who's been very wonderful and stepping up and tackling more of the household duties, rocks. 10. Crib Sheet Savers should be called "sanity savers." 11. She is the most precious thing I can imagine.

...Continued.... Steve's Mom called him again and told him to high-tail it back to Duluth because the baby was coming NOW. I asked her to also call my parents and I think she might have called someone else. I have no idea. All I knew was OH MY GOD so this is labor! I was still in the 7-8 range on the pain cycle...I knew there would be more. They asked me if I could walk (!) over to The Birthplace and I probably laughed...um, no....so they wheeled me over on a bed. I remember a nurse saying "well, I wouldn't be walking at 7cm either!" I also remember lots of people in a flurry of activity - getting the room ready, turning the baby warmer thingy on, moving me from the triage bed to the birthing bed (not fun). My contractions were strong I was beginning to worry that Steve wasn't going to make it. I was trying to use my breathing with the help of a lovely labor & delivery nurse. My MIL was hovering near and offering support as much as she good and constantly chec...

Last Thursday I was home from work. I had finished up a few things and was planning on doing the rest on Friday. I spent Thursday at home wrapping Christmas presents, finishing Christmas presents, sending off the last of the cards (well, writing them anyway), getting packages ready to be mailed, making lasagna to freeze for after Baby B's arrival etc....it was a pretty good day. But my back was KILLING me. I chalked it up to the fact that, duh, I was carrying an extra 30lbs on the front of my body and I was slowing down and needed to get off my feet, relax, etc. Early labor never even crossed my mind. Not once. So, the next morning (and here with go with the TMI for all you squeamish types out there), I got up as Steve was getting ready to leave. Gush. (that's said in a little voice because it wasn't a GUSH. "Hmmm, that's weird," I thought...but not much more of it because, well, I WASN'T in ready for labor, right? (**note - earlier in the week I noticed m...

It's been quite a week with little Miss Dahlia around. I am exhausted as I suspected I would be, but in a different way than I thought. That doesn't make much sense but it does to me so...there. :) More details to come - but things have been rocky with the feedings which is why I'm a basketcase, I think. Not much milk from Mama...barely a 1/2 ounce to an ounce after every feeding which explains why she lost a lot of weight initially and why she was screaming her head off. *sigh* Hopefully we'll be on track soon. In other news she's soooooooo beautiful and cute and wow. I love her.

and IT'S A GIRL!! I'll do a proper introduction later and the whole story and everything but in the meantime, we had a baby girl. 2:15pm on Friday afternoon (I posted at, what? 10;30am? You do the math!!). Her name is Dahlia Marie and she weighed in at a whopping 6lbs even. 19 1/4" long and so incredibly gorgeous (although, I might be a wee bit biased). The birth was the most amazing experience I've ever been through and my mind is still, well, blown, quite frankly. I am so tired though...time for a quick nap before we try to feed again.

Would you believe I'm actually trying to figure out if my water broke this morning and if I'm having (regular) contractions and I'm BLOGGING about it? My guess is no, false alarm....but my god things seem to be happening in a text-booky sort of way. Of course I have to update & charge my iPod before I'm leaving this house. I'll keep ya posted......

Probably not the best choice for movie-viewing when you're: 1) feeling rather blue...about life 2) alone with your big ol' pregnant self 3) alone because your husband went out for a beer 4) overly emotional due to said pregnancy hormones But I like Zach Braff, there was good music, good acting, etc. I just didn't love this movie...mostly because of my mental state, I'm sure. I have had this movie at home since October (ah Netflix!) and was ready to send it back though. Now I can move on to my more uplifting choice for this weekend - Pixar's CARS. *sigh* In unrelated news...I hit 1,000 posts yesterday and didn't even notice. Wowsa.

I've done pretty good this week on the whole cooking front - at least that's something. I'm trying to make things that have a lot of leftovers that freeze well so I can stock my freezer up for the following weeks. I have a feeling that I won't feel much like cooking then. So we've had chili, creamy italian chicken (not so much for the freezing), lasagna and tonight split pea soup. I'm thinking of turkey meat loaf for tomorrow and then I'm trying to convince Steve to take me on a date (pizza & a movie) on Saturday. And then another week starts and I have to think of new things again. *sigh* Sometimes it is tough - especially when I can't resort to my early-20's when "white rice" or "noodles" was sufficient to call a MEAL.

I'm also having issues. *sigh* Big fat depressing thoughts-rolling-around-in-my-brain issues. Issues about futures, happiness, 'what do I want to be when I grow up,' etc and so on...which then leads to guilt, and unfinished Christmas projects, and sleep but sleep is hard to come by so mostly just laying, and drooling - GOOD LORD THE PREGNANCY DROOLING I will not miss. I am in a funk. This year is so weird - I mean "this Christmas season" because Steve & I are so distracted....so preoccupied...not only is the new job kicking his ass (he hasn't had to be on someone else's schedule since before I knew him), but I'm exhausted and there are a million things to do and the house is a disaster and it's all we can do to sit together for 30 minutes before we declare we MUST go to bed and this is BEFORE we even HAVE the new little person in the house. Ay yi yi. I'm sure it's all *normal* and *natural* and "baby cold feet" is probablly wh...

Just back from the diabetes clinic and apparently I've gained about 3lbs since last Tuesday. Doh. I'm inclined to believe it's because 1) there's a human being inside me; 2) they didn't make me take off my shoes this week (and they have previously) and 3) mint m&m's. I think Steve should hide those because I'm proving to have NO will power. I've also been home more in the past week. When I'm at the office I have my lunch, my snacks - all measured out and no extra temptations...but at home there are temptations galore! I have to get back on track. Only 2 weeks to go so hopefully I can reign myself in. It's not easy.

I've decided to see how many days in a row I can wear the same thing without anyone noticing. Or rather, without anyone commenting. Since I mostly just see Steve, Jason & sometimes a couple of other friends/film people, I think I could potentially go on for a long time. I'm not generally a slob, I'm just running out of options and when I'm home I'd rather be wearing Steve's "comfy pants" (which I have co-opted for the time being). So far - no one's said a word - ha! Actually, I did laundry last night so I might be changing it up tomorrow. We'll see. In other news, doctor's appointment today - scheduled induction DECEMBER 26TH at 6am! Well, 6am is when I go in. Ay yi yi. I'm sure our Christmas Day (night) celebrations will NOT be preoccupied at all. No - why would they be? Eeek. The baby was TOTALLY sleeping during it's biophysical profile today -after being up ALL NIGHT I might add. We had to literally wake the little one up so ...

I went out to the garage this morning to head to work...and noticed there was a HUGE snowplow trying to get through the alley. At the end of the alley there were cars parked on each side making his job difficult...but he made it through and came on down my way. As I watched the big huge blade of his plow took off about half of the way-taller-than-me snowbank in between ours & our neighbors' (hi Anna!) garages and plopped it right behind where I would be momentarily backing out. Argh. Luckily Francis (that's my car) was strong enough & deft enough to maneuver around the pile and make it out....but isn't that just how it goes. You have everything nicely cleared & piled off to the side and then BAM another dump of snow right where you don't need it. Ah well....since I am "in the family way" I'm not doing much in the way of snow removal this year. Hopefully my lovely husband will have it taken care of by time I go home. :) Husbands rock.

Okay - I started one: Submit your best guesses!!

The new thing is now is to get kicked repeatedly in my ribs (left side) before I get up in the morning. It's my little internal alarm clock or something that says "I'm hungry! Feed Me" or "Get up! You're going to be late for the doctor!" It's a very weird sensation and it's SO HIGH UP. I tried to get Steve to see/feel it this morning and he started feeling something but I had to tell him that no, that was in fact my rib. Shortly thereafter he was able to see it. I'm definitely slowing down. Definitely. If I sit or lay too long in one position everything hurts when I get up. Ugh. Creaky. That's how I feel. It goes away relatively quickly but it sucks for those 3am bathroom breaks. Dressing sucks, trying to pick up anything off the floor requires a gynmastic like quality that I just don't possess right now and I'm starting to notice stretch marks. Hmph. I thought I was off the hook thanks to my good genes but apparently not. Steve...

We got over a foot of snow at house today - it was so fun! They said maybe 3" last night but the storm moved east before it moved south and we got that snow + heavenly lake effect snow. It was great. I was out running errands this morning and then decided enough was enough. The roads & visibility were pretty bad so I came home. I have been here since. Our last childbirth prep class was canceled tonight (as were most things in town) so I've been trying to catch up on things around here - more baby laundry, finished making Christmas cards, putting things away (trying to!) etc. We have so much delicious snow in our yard. It always makes me hungry for Dairy Queen ice cream.....

This is too funny. I had to share. From my family's message board: So this person at Mayo [clinic] was leaving a department, and going to another area at Mayo and they had a going away party for her. They called Wal-Mart to order a personalized cake. They said they wanted it to say "Best Wishes Suzanne"; and underneath that.... "We will miss you" Here's what the fine folks at wally-world sent to Mayo:

Everyone once in a while my faith in humanity is restored. This incident in September was one. That was a real almost-crisis. Today I just got hung up on crusty snow while trying to turn around in an alley and I couldn't get unstuck. Usually that would entail me jumping out of the car, grabbing my shovel and going to town, but with this whole 35-weeks-pregnant thing that doesn't happen so much these days. So I was doing the Minnesota-Shuffle (ie: rocking the car from reverse to forward) trying to get it loose when I see a guy come out of the building across the street, walk over to my car, get in front of it and push me out. And then he was on his way back to the building across the street. That's nice. It's so nice when people just help people out. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Well, I made it. The weather was considerably better today than yesterday and I was able to get on the road by about 10:30 or so this morning. It would've been earlier, but our garage was fairly drifted in and it would've taken too long for Steve to get it cleared out....but all that fussing took time and I ended up taking Steve's car - which was cleverly parked on the street as to not get blocked in the alley. The roads were....eh....not *too* bad but I was sufficiently paranoid to slow my driving and feel like a turtle. Oh well. I kept telling Baby B that sometimes you have to go at your own pace in life, even when other cars are flying past you, and that's okay. We made it in just over 2 1/2 hours which is not far off actual pace. The shower was very nice! My cousins Abbey & Meaghan along with my sister threw it for the R- side of the family. It was fun to get to see people since I won't see them at Christmas this year. We played a few games (sculpting baby i...

It's hard to believe that it's December 1st already. November was here and gone in a flash of time. I am still trying to wrap my head around a whole 30 days being gone as if in a second. Of course that means, we're having a baby THIS MONTH and while great progress has been made on Baby B's room (finally!) I'm still feeling unprepared - mentally, physically, you get the idea. I don't think one is ever REALLY prepared, are they? Am I just behind? It's snowing to beat all today - it's lovely and beautiful and I would be appreciating it more if I wasn't supposed to drive to Minneapolis tomorrow morning to go to a baby shower thrown (sort of last minute) by my cousins on my Dad's side. *sigh* If it keeps up like this, no way am I driving. Yuck. I don't want to end up in a ditch, with no cell phone service, going into pre-term labor or something by myself. I like to think of worst-case scenarios....(okay, that's not *THE WORST* but it would be ...