Friday, April 27, 2012

Happy Birthday, August

Oh August. My sweet child. My short tempered child. My child who adores his sister and loves his alone time with Mama when she's away. My boy who could be outside all hours of the day & night. For whom we are currently fencing in the backyard because he is an escape artist awaiting opportunity. My August.

Today is your birthday.

Two years old? How can this be? How can it feel like you just arrived and yet feel like I've known you forever? How can time bend and contort in such a way. Years of sleep deprivation? Perhaps. Getting to know your unique personality? Yes. Being so in love with you that I literally could consume your very being? Definitely.

You're such a big boy these days. Climbing up the playground structures like they're nothing higher than the couch. Which happens to make me a little nervous. I try to stand back and watch. See how you figure things out, accept help (or not) from your big sister, fall, get up, try again. I try to only step in when it's obvious to me that you have no clue how to go down those bars and you drop your feet over the side, sliding on your belly because you trust that something, of course, will be there. It's me. Your Mama. I know it won't always be so easy to catch you, so I try to step in quickly when I can.

You, of a blossoming personality & vocabulary. I sometimes worry that you're not putting words together as fast as your sister did. But then I have to tell myself to take a step back and relax. And quite frankly you have her TOTALLY beat on everything from walking, running, jumping, climbing, growing teeth, etc. You say lots of 'words' to us and slowly, day by day, their meaning is becoming clearer and clearer. At least to me. I know if you want a 'nack' (snack) or waawaa (water), if you want me to 'ing' (sing) to you or if you'd rather play with your 'teens' (trains). I know that you will be so much happier when you can communicate what you need and want better. I am eagerly awaiting that day - trying to not "wish away" time in the process. These days are precious. I know this even though somedays bedtime cannot come soon enough.

You are my snuggle-bug. There is almost nothing in the world better than sitting with you in your darkened bedroom, singing your favorite (!) jazz tunes to you - A Nightingale Sang in Berkley Square, Moonlight in Vermont, My Funny Valentine....and you bury your face in my neck. If I move my head away you deftly take your hand and pull me back to nuzzle you closer. I wouldn't change those times for the world. And so many times I've gotten up with you in the night - to comfort, to calm - and sometimes my patience is at the end as I count all the missed hours of sleep, the crabbiness and irritability that follows me through my day - but these times are golden. I don't mind any more (well, don't hold me to that...) but I accept these times and I cherish them because I know soon they will be gone. I hold you close and sing to you, you fall asleep against my chest just like you've done a hundred times before. And I love it.

I love you, my son. I am having so much fun watching you & your big sister play together and learn together and be obnoxiously silly together. You have made our family complete and I cannot wait for the adventures and journeys that await us.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Tooter (Dahlia's nickname for him)


 Mama, two, three

I'm up & ready to go this morning to take the Civil Servant test for Duluth. It's for a library job that I applied for back in December (they're timely, eh?). The libraries here in Duluth are open a lot more hours this year which is AWESOME which also means they are hiring a bunch of people. I guess the deluge of applicants for both librarians and library techs was overwhelming. So, now it's April. Anyway - I haven't taken a test in about a million years. I hope I remember what to do & act accordingly.

In other news, no more news from the festival which makes me think that we are not getting in. I know they notify the ones that get in before they notify the ones that don' the longer the worse off, I guess. Ugh.

In other other news - it's August's 2nd birthday today! I hope to have time later to post some cute pics of him recently. He's such a cutie-pie. I could eat him up daily...and I usually do!

Okay- better not be late for the big exam!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

The Waiting Game

I am waiting to find out if THE LIFE OF RILEY has gotten into a film festival. I have played this game before. Many times. But this just feels right. Maybe it feels right every time. Maybe that's why I am considered an optimist. This time I got an email saying that we made it to the "2nd Round" and that they will be deciding soon. Maybe the reason it didn't work out for me to go to Austin to do a show is because we'll get into this festival & then I'll go to LA for a week. Wouldn't that be fun...? Yes.

So waiting. Obsessively checking email as they are past the "notify" date (but they said they would be). Waiting although I know they probably won't have things settled til May 1st. Waiting.

Ugh! Waiting!!

(2 years ago at this time I was waiting for something entirely different!)

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Pipe Dreams

Well, my reliving my yesterdays fantasy will remain that. A fantasy. It's just not going to work. Because of money. I cannot give up this job that I've found to chase a silly dream. Ultimately it's not worth it. *sniff* Plus I really don't know how we could've gotten by without my paycheck for the ensuing month anyway. It's still fun to think about. To imagine it. I think I would've really enjoyed taking a break from my normal life for a bit. And yeah, part of me longs to be in the limelight again, I won't lie.

On to the next dream...whatever that will be.

Monday, April 09, 2012

A Crazy Idea?

So the other day I was watching THE SOUND OF MUSIC with Dahlia. Dahlia has been really digging it since we went to a production of it back in December here in Duluth. It helped that she knew Captain Von Trapp (& has a huge crush on him, I must add) and one of the nuns. We've been singing along to the music on Pandora & when we saw the DVD at the library on Friday she put back the others she had picked out to get that one. Ahhh, a child after my own heart.

And we watched. She did pretty good (although we have yet to get through the end). The movie chokes me up. Quite literally. I am a mess. Mostly because it reminds me of a time when I spent a lot of my time on stage performing. The music is almost too much for me at times & I had to leave the room on more than one occasion so Dahlia wouldn't wonder what was wrong with me. Ha! (I'm sure she wonders sometimes!).

I posted a remark on Facebook about it making me melancholy & almost immediately one of my old Summerset Theatre pals from Austin messaged me about auditions for THE SOUND OF MUSIC at the end of April. The show goes up mid-June in Austin.

And then I got to thinking....could I? Would I? Could I move the kids & I down to my parents' house for a month - month & a half and do a show? Could this help me with what's been missing in my life? Could I live there & carry on as I do now, but instead of stressing out about how much there is to do around our house, go to rehearsal every night instead? Could I? Should I? Is it just crazy? To think that I could 1) audition and get the lead (because quite frankly, doing a big move to be a member of the nun's chorus? Sorry, but I think I've paid my dues & I'm not sure I'd go there) but to be MARIA? Is it arrogant to think these thoughts? I don't think I've ever gone into an audition saying I only want THIS part (because when I was young & had lots of free time, I didn't care what part - just to BE ON STAGE...) But now....could I??

Could I?

There are logistics to be worked out. Plans to consider. I would have to see if I could take a hiatus from my winding job, and if we could get through a month without me being paid, but....

The possibility sort of fills me with excitement. To perform! To be on stage! To sing!!! To be haunting the backstage areas I still remember so vividly in my mind. To set "mom" aside for a bit and be someone else....?

Could I?

Friday, April 06, 2012

Not Abanandoned...Just....

Well, due to overwhelming demand (one comment) from  my reader, I just wanted to let you know, this space has not been abandoned. It's just on unofficial hiatus, I guess. I write blog posts by the...uh...tens in my head. None of them seem to make it here. I take photos of things I'm going to blog about. And then don't. I'm just so incredibly busy right now. 100% of the time. I am working 2 jobs from home while watching the munckins (full time, daycare/pre-school ended for us this past week - waaaaaah!). My house is a disaster zone, I'm stressed out by all the piles & piles & piles every day...but hey, right now it's where I'm at (read: I'm trying not to get too stressed out about everything so I'll leave it at that).

Potential blog posts coming soon:

My Book Club - reviews of the first 6 books

Pinterest February/March challenge

Yarn! Yarn! Yarn!

WTF am I doing with my life? (sorry for the abbreviated swearing, Mom)

And others.

I did just post a recipe for homemade taco season here if you are so bereft & need a blog post from me. It's 100% informational in nature. The seasoning mix is good though, I think.

Happy Easter!