Monday, January 31, 2005

Monday Again

The turkey dinner was a success! It was so much fun to have a house full of people. Granted our house is small so that is easy. :-) Plus with the temporary plywood cat barrier wall cordoning off the dining room - it seems really small. We all ate in the kitchen on the kitchen table and card table and that seemed to work out okay. The food went over very well - and I was so happy the turkey was delish and moist and everything a turkey should be. Even the gravy turned out! Must've been the lesson I got from The Boy's mom at Thanksgiving this year. :-)

Yesterday I slept in late. Well, I stayed up with the neighbors til about 3am so it wasn't that much time but I felt a bit guilty nonetheless. Oh well. After finally getting up, the Boy and I cleaned all the dishes from the night before, de-limed Corona bottles and put things back in order. Yesterday afternoon we went for a nice ski on the Piedmont trail (very close to our house) and then went to his Dad's house for dinner (chicken gumbo). The evening ended with us all watching POMPEII: THE LAST DAY on the Discovery channel - which I thought was very good. Now I REALLY want to go to Pompeii and at the same time would be terrified that Vesuvius could blow any time. Oooooh....excitement.

In VACATION NEWS we FINALLY got our confirmation number for hotel #2. Whew. I can stop obsessing about that now and start obsessing about finding a cute sun dress or beachy thing for over my swimsuit. Hmmm...back to Target I shall go!

Saturday, January 29, 2005


The turkey's in the oven - yum...I can smell it roasting away. Yum....

The green bean casserole is ready to go into the oven. As are the sweet potatoes (I'm debating the marshmallow thing...hmmmm); the stuffing is yet to be made (the boxed kind, so sue me); the apple pie was made this morning. The table is set. The wine glasses ready. I'm using my NEW silverware :-) and my Grandma's I missing anything?

It's Thanksgiving in January!

Okay - time to go check on things....hope all y'alls weekends are good....

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Well, how often are there bananas on the floor?

Okay - it just cracked me up. The Boy stepped on my banana today (that's not a euphemism) when I was getting ready to go back to work after lunch. I had set it there, naturally, because I had to put on my shoes and where else do you put a banana that you're taking back to work as your mid-afternoon snack? That's right! The floor!

Me: Hey, you're stepping on my banana!
Boy: (looking confused) What? Why is there a banana on the floor?
Me: uh...
Boy: well, how often is there a banana on the floor?

Anyway - I'm not telling it quite right but it threw me into fits of hysterical laughter.

I mean really, how often are there bananas on the floor?

*I didn't eat the banana at work. I ate a handful of hershey kisses instead. Mwah!

Wednesday, January 26, 2005


Today is a blah day. Blah blah blah. Work = utter, mind numbing boredom. Depressing boredom. And for everyone out there who "wishes" they were bored because they're so damn busy and important at their jobs - screw you. Boredom is horrible. It gives you WAY too much time to think about how lame your life is*.

*and by that I do NOT in any way mean my lovely incredible wonderful boyfriend, my cats or my house or family...okay?

Anyway - no word yet on the hotel's annoying me but I'm dealing with that. We have a place to crash for the first 5 nights I suppose we can figure it out from there if necessary. Besides we'll be in MEXICO where it's routinely over 80 degrees and you can drink beer and lay on the beach. :-)

Okay - time to go veg out for a while. I can't take this "thinking" any more.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005


Ugh - this vacation thing is starting to annoy me!

First we booked a hotel - Fiesta Banana - we liked it. It looked clean, newish, nice, close to the beach but quiet, nice jungle-y green stuff around it, restaurant & bar on site. Then 5 days later we got an email saying - oh, um, The Fiesta Banana actually didn't have rooms for all the days we needed...did we want the alternative. So, I called Mexico (yes, the whole country) on Saturday to say - sure we'll take the alternative and that's fine. It's on the beach, it has a bar, rooms with a/c - perfect. Last night we still hadn't gotten a CONFIRMATION that we had that room for the full 7 nights. So I wrote them a *pleasant* email saying - could you please let us know what is happening - thanks. And today the Boy called and left a message and we were waiting waiting waiting. When I was home at lunch time the Boy was on the phone with the travel agent and he was offering us another alternative as of course the 2nd choice alternative didn't have rooms for all 7 nights! Argh!!!! This alternative is gorgeous, higher priced but as of NOW - we have a room for 5 nights...still waiting for the last two nights to be confirmed. Ack! At least we're making progress. I didn't know vacationing was so damn stressful.

Oh - and our airport transfer now picks us up at the airport 5 days after we've already been there. Slick, real slick. Needless to say I won't be recommending this travel site to anyone.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Shoveling & Happy Hour

Just got done shoveling our delicious lake effect (affect? what is wrong with me?) snow...I call it "Hollywood snow" as there is NO WAY it is real! It is so light and fluffy and sparkly and really cool. And fairly easy to shovel - it's not that wet heavy crap which makes me quite happy. :-)

Happy Hour - I am going there now so I must cut this short.

My friend Peder just showed me to his blog - future poltergeist.

Enjoy his movie & sports commentary!

Oh - did I mention I'm going to MEXICO in 23 days?

Yes, I'm just a little excited about it. In honor of the upcoming journey I will be eating homemade tacos, flan & drinking margaritas tonight (while watching the season premiere of THE APPRENTICE, naturally...)


Monday, January 17, 2005


YIPEEE - I'm on cloud nine.

The boy and I are going to Mexico in February! Trip was booked last night. I looking forward to sun, sand, romance, cervezas, snorkeling, jungles, ruins and getting out of this frigid cold northland.


This is one happy camper.

26 days and counting.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Snowy Day!

Snowy Day!
Originally uploaded by carrster.
What a wonderful guy - he's saving the tree from the heavy load of snow.

Today is just cold (see previous post). Blech!


Okay - -45 to -50 windchill for tomorrow - yipee!

They've already canceled school tomorrow - they did that at about 2pm this afternoon. I wish they'd cancel work.


Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Today's Snow

Originally uploaded by carrster.
And another picture - we got several inches today and it was awesome! The grill is sort of our unofficial snow gauge. :-)

Wintery Sunset

Originally uploaded by carrster.
This pic was taken last Sunday from the backsteps. It had been overcast all day but the sun came out just at the end of the day. The colors were awesome.


I can’t get excited about anything. Well, I can but then I crush those thoughts with other depressing thoughts almost immediately. They range from the “important” to the mundane and silly but alas. I think I’m depressed. It’s very hard for someone who’s “naturally optimistic” to admit that they’re depressed but there it is. Obviously from recent posts that’s fairly easy to ascertain….I can’t figure out what I want to do with my life; I have no friends to hang out with; I work at a soul-sucking day job every day; I’m not being true to who I am; I’ve given up on dreams; I have no money; the film is not turning out how I expected it too – the thought of entering more festivals and facing more rejection is unbearable; I feel like an outsider looking in when I go to theatre events and I feel like that’s the place I should feel the most comfortable of all, etc etc.

I just tried to ‘guesstimate’ my 2004 taxes and I *think* I’m going to end up owing close to $400 this year! WTF? I owed $2300 last year (don’t even ask) and thought wow – this year with the house & only one job and blah blah blah it’ll be so much better. It is a lot better but still…I was hoping for maybe a little refund or perhaps just having to pay in a little bit… It’s all so depressing.

And I feel guilty about feeling depressed. I am so happy with so many aspects of my life and I feel that by me saying/feeling depressed that it takes away from these other aspects. I don’t want that to happen. I am so happy with the Boy and the thoughts of our future; and our little home and the two kitties and being able to enjoy the beautifulness of this area together, and being healthy, and my Dad being healthy, and the rest of my family doing a-okay for that matter….but I still feel….I don’t know…out of my element or something.

I’m reading Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort & Joy which is supposed to help me uncover my authentic self and I sure hope it works. I read it through about March/April when I first got the book as a gift from my Mom – probably 5 or 6 years ago so I’d like to make it all the way through.

Anyway – not to be a big downer or anything – and you know, I’m not. I mean, I am functioning, up to my usual things and fairly pleasant (I think!) to talk to or to hang with…I’m not super mopey, laying on the couch or crying at commercials or anything (okay well, sometimes…but that is just a normal thing for me) but I just feel blah.


Maybe I should reintroduce diet coke back into my morning routine….could this be withdrawal?

Tuesday, January 11, 2005


Tonight we start working on the film again. Locked picture, music, sound -final. Ack. I'm not looking forward to it but I want it to be done. J has a grant deadline on Feb 12 and needs to submit a FINISHED product. Hopefully that will be enough of an incentive to wrap this NEVER-ENDING-BEAST-OF-A-PROJECT up! Ack.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Third Year

This is the third year in a row that I have typed out each Sunday in the year by date (as in W/E 1/9/05 – our week’s here end on Sundays); it’s the third year I’ve put these on neat little labels and ripped out each on and carefully placed each one into a clear tab divider. This is the third year I’ve made three sets of these plus a bi-weekly set for our subsidiary. This is the third year that I have moved last year’s files to the back ‘archive’ shelves to make room for the new year. This is the third year that I have made resolutions and been determined to change my life and become happy in the every day.

*long exhale*

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?!?!?!?!!?!??!?!?!?!?!

Everybody aboard the CRABELLA EXPRESS!


I mean, seriously – I don’t like my job…no, that’s not true. The job is okay it’s just not true to my “authentic self” – there is something else I should be doing….but I do this right now.

Anyway – that’s not the point. I’m actually not crabby today even though everything is trying to push me that way. My co-workers are sleepy eyed and pissy today….I’ve gotten no “friendly emails” (which are what I live for ya know) and even my out-of-town friends are having problem after problem and I just think…MAN, wouldn’t it be nice to go to a job I loved surrounded by people who also loved their job? Wouldn’t it be nice to have people be excited about what they do instead of throw their hands up in desperation because they just can’t take it any more?

I know that this is how it works but it’s getting old. I’m not happy here either but it’s better than the alternative…I’m at least not spreading my unhappiness around…I keep it to myself. But to listen to hours upon hours of rant after rant of this person doing this wrong, and that person being a b*tch and seeing faces get red, veins pop out and undoubtedly blood pressures raised…when is enough enough?


On an un-crabby note – I received my bonus today! Yipeee! It is the same as last year and although parts of me get annoyed and think wow, I’m doing way more than last year, I’ve been here a year longer blah blah blah – it’s the same? I am STILL incredibly grateful and so happy that I have a job let alone get a bonus. I’m going to pay off one credit card and put the rest in my savings-vacation fund. J

Thursday, January 06, 2005


When I was young and idealistic I used to compare myself with well-known actors (ie: movie stars) and think….they’re 25, I have plenty of time to get where I can get to where he/she is at their age. In my late 20’s I started looking at the 31+’ers who broke into music, theatre, acting, film “late” (as if I didn’t know they’d already achieved at least a modicum of success before their “overnight” fame)….Now at 31 (see the gap closing?) I see myself comparing myself to other bloggers I read….”well, she’s 34 now and having her 2nd child and so witty and wonderful to read and funny and smart and stylish and makes me laugh, and has a wonderful husband, home,” etc etc So I have “plenty” of time to get married and have kids before I’m totally useless as a human being, right? I feel as though I’ve let myself down in a lot of respects…I have given up the “dream” of entertaining people (Broadway…where hast thou gone?) and (sort of) settled on the path of becoming a decent, creative, loving, caring human being and whatever happens, happens. I know that everything is in place for some reason or another. I can’t say that I wish I didn’t move to LA when I did and should’ve moved to Chicago or even Minneapolis, or Boston or wherever had an actual theatre scene….because then I wouldn’t have met SS, or gotten to be really great friends with HG after years and years of high school weirdness…or I wouldn’t know JB and all the talent he possess or G and his pure lovable craziness; I would’ve never gone to Goldfingers (wonderful dive that it is) and “hung” with DJ Coyote and gotten in for free because I’m on the “permanent guest list;” I probably wouldn’t have traveled to England or Rome or Mexico; I wouldn’t know SK and her adorable family; I wouldn’t have gone on “business trips” to New Orleans & Hilton Head…etc etc. But most importantly I wouldn’t be where I am now…which is back in Duluth, in a house that I own with a man that I love so I guess moving to LA was the right place to go.

Anyway – so comparison? Yes, I still make them…I just hope someday I can be happy with who & where I am…..which I mostly am now…we’ll see…

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Free iPod Please

Dear Internet,

I really want a free 20GB iPod. I love them. I love music. I love how cute and small it is....dorky but whatever.


Thank you...

Much much much appreciated....


Floating Away...

Okay – so…today – 3, count them 3 nalgene bottles full of water today. That’s 96 oz of water just while at work. Needless to say I think I’ve peed about 40 times but whatever…it’s supposed to be good for me! I’m trying to rid myself of about 10 extra pounds which are heartily annoying. I have also had 2 fruits/veggies – well, both fruits actually – one (large) Braeburn apple this morning as a ‘snack’ (no more bacon/cheddar ‘tato skins for this girl!) and half a can of peaches at lunch. Do the 3 (small) pumpkin (homemade) cookies I had for an afternoon snack count towards my fruits/veggies number? I am going to say “yes!” they do. Tonight for dinner I will have a salad which will contain…let’s say at least two servings of F&V – that includes lettuce, carrots, broccoli and um….I guess that’s it…that’s good though, right?

I also didn’t start my morning with a Diet Coke. I’m trying to become less dependent and have cut back to only one can a day…which I think is admirable considering I could, yes, very easily could sip DC all day long. I did have one for lunch though, after 64 oz of water I needed something with a flavor…and bubbles…and caffeine.

On the other “NY Resolutions” front….money is worrying me…. I did my budget for Jan/Feb and I don’t know how it’s ever going to get any better. I’m trying to find ways to cut back but I just don’t see any. HELP!! Okay – I could get rid of cable…but I’m addicted to TLC and A&E and MTV (yes, it’s true) and the Boy is addicted to 24-hour-news-channels and the Weather Channel so that’s not really an option. All I can think of is less DC, no books and being happy to use up what you have at home for entertainment (read that anyway you please). Vacation seems like a distant dream. I sure hope it comes true!

Health – well, I’ve exercised once this week – a 45-minute x-country ski excursion which ended with me nearly breaking off both my feet. Not my fault!!! Someone had dragged a branch/log/tree onto the trail and since it was dark we couldn’t see especially well and my amazing super-hero-ish boyfriend managed to jump over said tree in cross country skis (no less!) and yelled back to warn me at which point I purposely wiped out (and now have a goose-egg-ish bruise on my left shin…better than a broken anything!!). I need to do something tonight – a walk (but it's really f'ing cold out)? Ab workout? Aerobics? Weights? Something…..we’ll see.

I still have no friends…no progress there. Haven’t been crafty lately either but need to make some cards very soon. Maybe I’ll do that tonight.

And SuperHero-Wonderful-Sweet-Boy (Man, really…) has been working on the dining room ceiling hole and it looks wonderful! Soon we will have a tidy trap door into the bathtub plumbing (via said ceiling) instead of a gaping, nasty, pipe-showing, jagged hole – which we have had since mid-October. I can’t tell you how much men with power tools and the balls to just do it turns me on…He knows…he knows….

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Why is it?


yesterday when I posted all those things I want to accomplish or stick to or strive for in 2005 I was so optimistic about everything. I felt great, I felt like I had a plan, I felt awesome. Today I feel like crap. Like none of those things are remotely possible - like the debt of my stupid ridiculous attempt at a career (ie: filmmaking) is a weight that keeps pulling me down and is drowning me. Today I just want to bury my head in the sand and cry....I realize I will get sand in my eyes and that will piss me off but I don't care right now.

All my friends have moved away (or I moved away from them); I have no $ for paying my bills and yet I daydream about going on a vacation (yeah right) - at this rate the Boy will be going without me. I just want to scream and pull out my hair (which naturally looks beyond horrible today) and I don't know. It's all so frustrating. Once again I did what I said I wouldn't do - spent too much on Christmas and now I'll have to pay for it in January - great. My cat's on anti-anxiety medication 'cause I'm obviously a very bad mom so I get to pay for that too while having my cat's personality which I love so much change ever so slightly over this past week. I still haven't finished working on said "film" and will have to deal with that again soon, I suppose....

Blech. That's all just Blech.

Monday, January 03, 2005


Inspired by Rockin’ Poncho’s list…I’ve created my own for a fabulous 2005!


1. Exercise 3-4 times a week.

2. Ski/Hike a couple times a week, or at least go for a walk outside.

3. Sit ups/arm weights

4. Stop eating so much.

5. Less diet coke, more water!!

6. No smoking.

7. Less Beer.

8. More salads, less chips.


1. Trip to Florida or somewhere warm this winter

2. Trip to LA/Portland this summer

3. Lots of camping!

4. Visit every state park on the North Shore for camping and/or hiking/skiing at least once.

5. Visit a trail you’ve never been on before at least once every other month.

6. Keep writing in hiking journal/add digital pictures


1. Audition for plays.

2. Find a singing group to be in.

3. Create new and interesting gifts.

4. Finish a project in a timely fashion once you’ve started.

5. Learn at least one new skill.

6. Make lots and lots of greeting cards


1. Continue to pay off debt, NO MORE CHARGING.

2. Stick to budget.

3. Keep putting money into savings every other week.

4. Track monthly spending and cut back where applicable.

5. Waste not.

6. Go to the library instead of buying books.

7. Walk or ride bike more than driving car.

8. Don’t pay bills late ever….

9. Set up an account for Christmas way before Christmas so you can spend/shop/give without feeling the pain in January.


1. Make some new single & couple friends

2. Be more timely about sending out birthday, anniversary, etc cards to friends far & near.

3. Go to more plays.

4. See more movies in the theatre

5. Ask new friends out to dinner every other month or so.

6. Go to the MN Science Museum in St. Paul


1. Fix ceiling in dining room (or rather try to help the Boy as he fixes....)

2. Clean out front closet/organize/build shelves

3. Tear out carpet – assess hard wood floor situation underneath

4. Organize basement. Put up plastic shelves, get rid of things you DON’T WANT/NEED

5. Simplify!

6. Think about kitchen improvement possibilities: tiled backsplash, new floor, paint, cabinets

7. Finish painting front room. Make curtains or buy shades/blinds for windows.

8. Keep the house clean. Create weekly/monthly chore board.

9. File the “to-be-filed” section of filing cabinet. Shred unwanted documents.

10. Get all tax information compiled and ready to go.

11. Clean bedroom closet, craft closet, organize craft supplies

12. Plant wildflowers & trees and maybe a vegetable garden!!


1. Read Simple Abundance every day

2. Finish reading all the “to-be-read” books on bookshelf.

3. Get rid of books that you don’t love or wouldn’t read again.

4. Put pictures in album for J. Put pictures in scrapbook/organize for me.

5. Take time to reflect, meditate, focus and dream.

6. Play the piano, learn how to play guitar.

7. Be outside more, especially with S.

8. >Find something (work) that will make me happy.

9. Get violin bows re-haired.


1. Discover new ways to be intimate

2. Hold hands as much as possible.

3. Do the “little” things that mean so much.

4. Cook special dinner at least once a week.

5. Spend more time listening to music, drinking wine and talking.

6. Baths.

7. Be more healthy to ensure a long & fulfilled life.