Naturally Optimistic

Greetings! I cannot believe I have not posted here since February. What the heck. My life feels very much like it is not my own mostly. No time for things like blogging. Barely any time to pick up the toys or fold the laundry (I have baskets of clean clothes everywhere. Seriously. Laundry. Ugh). The only way I'm blogging right now is that I brought my new (old) laptop outside so I can watch the kids & sort of interact with them, while posting some things on FB to sell, uploading pics to ShutteryFly (so I can avoid another photo-losing-disaster like earlier this summer)  and BLOGGING How fun!. So...I would like to make time for myself to do this. I feel like this is a good time of year for me. I've always been a school nerd, so fall means NEW to me. A fresh new start. Maybe weird considering it's the eve of the 9th month of the year, but so what. It's always felt that way to me. New. Fresh. Lovely.  I feel like I'm missing out on so many of the memories of my k...

Not to ruin my streak, I am posting before midnight. Will write more tomorrow. Blah

...for today I'm uninspired.

That is all.

Today has been one of those days where NOTHING goes as planned. Dahlia slept til 8am this morning (after being awake at 4am) so we got off to a late start. I will NEVER wake her up if I don't need to be out of the house and I didn't today so we laid in bed until she woke up. I watched her for a good 20 minutes or so. I can't resist watching a sleeping baby. She fell asleep in the stroller on the way home from lunch (had a lunch mtg at the Burrito Union). And instead of her usual 10 minutes I'M DONE naps, she napped for a couple of hours...even while I pushed her in the jogger up the very un-stroller-friendly trails in Chester. So....I never made it back to the office because by time she woke up it was after 3pm. Dinner tonight - the chicken casserole from one of my favorite cookbooks...the chicken breasts I bought were HUGE. I've never seen such huge breasts (haha). I thought (like an idiot) that they'd be done in 40 minutes. WRONG. So we baked them longer and l...

my brain is so scattered its amazing I can even throw a load of laundry into the machine. So much for me being SO PRODUCTIVE today. hmph.

Ugh - rainy, drizzly, cloudy, cold. It feels more like fall than spring. I'm trying to get motivated to get things picked up and DONE around here, but it's very difficult in the doom & gloom. Blech. I hate it when things get to the "overwhelming point." I don't know what my problem is but I can't seem to get anything ACCOMPLISHED. I think about how great it would be to do this, make that, read this, watch that, exercise, create, etc and instead I don't even know WHAT I do. It gets depressing. The other depressing thing? Why is it that I don't feel like I fit in ANYWHERE. What is up with that? Everywhere I go I feel out of place. WTF? Where did this lack of confidence come from? It's annoying but I am somehow a slave to it. See, blechy weather, blechy attitude. At least I have this week's meal plan done. Something accomplished I guess.

I don't feel like cooking or cleaning up afterwards. I don't feel like dealing with a whiny non-sleeping baby. I don't feel like wiping up the floor after she throws her food off her tray. I don't feel like sweeping the kitchen. I don't feel like doing more laundry. I don't feel like picking up books. I don't feel like washing the dishes. I don't feel like making the rice krispie bars I said I was going to. I don't feel like doing ANYTHING. Hmph.

I seem to have lost my motivation. I had it earlier...and I got a lot done at work today, but then I went and had a massage and now I can't seem to do a darn thing. I just surf the net aimlessly - look at the piles of crap that I need to put away - the speakers that need to be attached - the toys that need to be picked up..... Ugh. But I play games on Facebook. I check my blog stats & my company's website stats (hey go visit our website people!!). I *think* about all the things I'd like to be doing...occasionally I walk around the house and look at things, then I come and sit back down. I think my body & my brain is telling me that I should just take the night off. Just go to bed early. Grab your book, take out your contacts and lay in bed. So the crap doesn't get put away today - big deal. it's not going anywhwere...plus, I don't want to wake up sleeping Miss Dahlia now do I? *sigh* On another note - I met the fabulous Michelle for a beer last night at...

I have an amazing lack of things to say. I was going to blog about a parking violation LAST NOTICE FOR PAYMENT but I got that taken care of today in a relatively easy manner. I was going to blog about my horrible doctor's appointment today, but I don't want to (it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but the waiting is the part that sucks the most). I was going to blog about something that just completely slipped my mind. Basically? I got nothing. Happy Friday.

I spent some time last night thinking about this....how do I see myself? How do others see me? And in the same vein how do I look at others and am I seeing what they are portraying, or what my preconceived notion is or a combination? Are they showing their real selves? Am I? I think what prompted this thought party was when a friend of mine told me that she always thought of me has her hip & trendy (or something to that effect) friend and now I'm about to become a mother. I jokingly replied well all that's out the window then. It got me thinking though - never in a million years would I consider myself "hip & trendy" but at the same time I don't think my innate personality or style will change once the Chick Pea makes his/her arrival. I think I am a dorky, silly, caring, thoughtful, loyal, creative person. Often feeling on the outside looking in, but trying to just do my own thing and being okay with that. My friend who sparked these thoughts in my head is...