Comparison

When I was young and idealistic I used to compare myself with well-known actors (ie: movie stars) and think….they’re 25, I have plenty of time to get where I can get to where he/she is at their age. In my late 20’s I started looking at the 31+’ers who broke into music, theatre, acting, film “late” (as if I didn’t know they’d already achieved at least a modicum of success before their “overnight” fame)….Now at 31 (see the gap closing?) I see myself comparing myself to other bloggers I read….”well, she’s 34 now and having her 2nd child and so witty and wonderful to read and funny and smart and stylish and makes me laugh, and has a wonderful husband, home,” etc etc So I have “plenty” of time to get married and have kids before I’m totally useless as a human being, right? I feel as though I’ve let myself down in a lot of respects…I have given up the “dream” of entertaining people (Broadway…where hast thou gone?) and (sort of) settled on the path of becoming a decent, creative, loving, caring human being and whatever happens, happens. I know that everything is in place for some reason or another. I can’t say that I wish I didn’t move to LA when I did and should’ve moved to Chicago or even Minneapolis, or Boston or wherever had an actual theatre scene….because then I wouldn’t have met SS, or gotten to be really great friends with HG after years and years of high school weirdness…or I wouldn’t know JB and all the talent he possess or G and his pure lovable craziness; I would’ve never gone to Goldfingers (wonderful dive that it is) and “hung” with DJ Coyote and gotten in for free because I’m on the “permanent guest list;” I probably wouldn’t have traveled to England or Rome or Mexico; I wouldn’t know SK and her adorable family; I wouldn’t have gone on “business trips” to New Orleans & Hilton Head…etc etc. But most importantly I wouldn’t be where I am now…which is back in Duluth, in a house that I own with a man that I love so I guess moving to LA was the right place to go.

Anyway – so comparison? Yes, I still make them…I just hope someday I can be happy with who & where I am…..which I mostly am now…we’ll see…

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