Sunday, January 29, 2006
I mentioned it the other day - then did nothing about it except go out and buy 3 more skeins of yarn and some new bamboo needles to start yet another project. See? This is how it works with me.
I've always been crafty/artsy but in my adulthood it's taken over a part of my life. And I can't just do one thing. Heaven forbid I should actually get REALLY GOOD at something - no, I'm a dabbler. I might be making soaps one week and then tiling a fireplace the next. Well, I think my soap phase has passed...but the back-splash in my kitchen is eyeing me for some new tiles. My staples are card-making & scrapbooking - however I am THE WORLD'S SLOWEST SCRAPBOOKER and have never really finished a scrapbook. Or even a trip/event for that matter. *sigh* Regardless it's something I enjoy. I love having all my embellishments and patterned paper and stickers and and and....you get the idea.
So yesterday I pulled all my supplies from every nook & cranny I could imagine and piled it all in the den. It was yucky. What a mess! How could I allow this to happen? If this is something I really love and value doing, why is it in such a state?!?!
I spent many hours yesterday and more today pouring through old supplies and evaluating whether or not it was worth keeping. I got rid of very old sewing patterns that I'll never make again (actually, I've never managed to use ONE pattern TWICE...they get too wrecked for me the first time...but I held on to these for 12 years....nice, huh?), I started a donation box and included lots of tempra & acrylic paints, stencil brushes, cross-stitch pattern books, etc etc. I found LOTS of things! It makes me excited! I organized all my stamping stuff (which I'm sort of phasing out - I just don't use them much) into one tub; all of my large scrapbook paper & stickers, rulers & current scrapbook into another tub (very heavy). My yarn went into my craft 'tote' which had just been full of crap for years - there's even a spot for needles! I put up my wall organizer and put my scissors, glue guns, crochet hooks, x-acto knives in there; I separated out ribbons from quilling paper; glue sticks from glue pen inserts, threads & safety pins for sewing and assorted adhesives for card making & scrapbooking. I compiled all my "sample" cards in one place as I did with various envelopes. My "special projects" have their own place now (mosaic candle holder thingy, mosaic I bought in Rome of the MOUTH OF TRUTH which I haven't made yet (yeah, I went there in Nov of 2001!!), beads for making jewelry & quilling supplies. And I put all of my random assorted paper (heretofore living in random plastic grocery bags in random piles in random closets - ack!) into a portable file box which had been empty for at least 4 years. Yay! All my colors are together - granted solids are mixed with patterns but still! I'm soooo excited.
So, now Steve & I are moving the futon out of the den and we're putting up a table so I'll ACTUALLY be able to use the craft supplies that I have re-discovered right under my nose.
So, if you're on my regular mailing cycle...there may actually be a hand-made card in the mail for you in the relatively near future.
I feel much more at peace than I have in ages.
Now - back to knitting! :-)
Friday, January 27, 2006
Donna there will be no shots at Maggie Mae's....*sigh* there will only be me moping about, wondering if my little film will EVER be seen. I don't think I'm delusional. I think people will actually like this movie. I mean, granted it's made for the 1 out of 10 but that's okay. I just have to round up a bunch of people and surely some of them will get it and like it and blah blah blah. I don't know. I'm not crushed...I think I'm getting used to rejection. I would like to get into A festival - sheesh. I know that we're better than some films they show. I'm just getting ornery. This is definitely a roller coaster - the ups the downs the in betweens. It's been a long 3 years and now I'm going to have a beer.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
And I can RELAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX.
So yeah...PLEASE keep checking www.newtonsdisease.com for updates...they will be coming constantly as we grow and build and get more artwork and finish the trailer and have updates (like Oh! We got into XYZ Film Festival or whatever) and we need lots of support and buzz and viewers!
But for now...I must bid you adieu......
And I if I can stop spazzing about, I will go to bed....
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Monday, January 23, 2006
Ohmygod - is something on fire in my house?!?!? And I woke up to a loud crackling noise in the bedroom. I was disoriented and it took me a minute to realize that Beavis was rounding the end of the bed, walking slowly and carefully and making so much god-awful noise! Crackling so loud in the wee hours of the morning (3am).
Poor Beavis had a green plastic grocery bag caught around his neck by the handle! Poor kitty. I felt so bad for him, jumped up immediately to soothe him and remove the offending bag.
I'm sure he was having flashbacks of when he was a kitten and the same thing happened. Poor Beavis raced around the cabin - up and dowstairs with this awful white billowing monster chasing him. He ended up under my roommate's bed...and he peed himself.
Oh Beavis. Thankfully the peeing didn't repeat.
I finally finished my last *Christmas* scarf (doh! I'm a bit behind) and now I have a void!! There are several scarf patterns I want to try...I also would like to make another baby blanket...so I could start that.
Then there's the scrapbooking. I'm going on a 5-day scrapbook retreat w/my sister in March and I need to finish my Mexico trip (from last Feb) before then! I just HAVE to...and then I need to get organized so I have stuff to work on there. I'd also maybe like to work on a wedding project while there. We'll see...
But most importantly I should probably drag out all of my crafting supplies - all the beads, the paper, the yarn, the clue, the patterns, the markers, the stamps, the punches, the embellishments, etc etc and figure out what I have and what I don't need and get it in one place so I can USE it!! So before I can start anything new.........I need to figure out my current supplies...ack!
So, I guess my daydreaming of new projects will have to wait until I get everything else ship shape - wish me luck!!!
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Friday, January 20, 2006
Slow day at the office - filled with stuffing checks for the A/P department and also doing Sudoku puzzles that I secretly downloaded and printed at work. Heh heh. Hey, I'm still "working with numbers..." It should count, right?
I got a bonus! Whoppeee! Well I actually get it next week. I wasn't planning on it AT ALL so I am very pleasantly surprised. It will go 80% towards debt reduction and then 20% to wedding fund/knitting supplies/anniversary gift for my sweetie.
Happy Hour after work for a departed co-worker (her job was eliminated this week - she's not sad about it!).
Now, nothing. Contemplating knitting, watching tv, doing my taxes, reading or going to bed really early. Steve is jamming tonight (he plays drums) with a friend (guitar) in the dining room so I'm not sure how "going to bed early" will work...we'll see....
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
I missed out on a good chunk of her life, and her mine but now we're catching up and I'm really enjoying it.
I knew she had an on again off again relationship with a guy for about 3 years. This guy didn't sound like he was all roses but some part of them really connected and through the ups and downs they were there for each other.
They had just started coming to terms with some crap that had gone on between them and starting on a new, fresh, clean page. The new year was arriving, things were stable and good and a strong friendship remained. They were even thinking of really giving it another go in a serious relationship format and seeing where it might lead.
The Wednesday after Christmas they spent a lovely evening together - I know they hung out and had great conversation - I picture romantic candlelight, something delish to eat, lots of laughter and hugs and a few kisses thrown in (although I don't actually know the details of the evening).
On Thursday morning his Dad disovered that he had passed away in his sleep.
There was no reason, a later autopsy revealed that it was acute sudden death syndrome - similar to SIDS in babies. No struggle, no pain just *poof* heart stopped. He was gone.
She's had a lot to deal with - the happy memories of their last fond night together, the relief that he didn't stay the night at her house on Wednesday and the following tide of guilt that accompanies it, the gut-wrenching gaping emptiness when she really thinks about his absence, the fond memories, the memories of the crap, his daughter and her loss and today the simple words "I miss him." It hit me so hard. I know there are phases of grief, and I think she's doing INCREDIBLY well with all this - but those simple words really hit home.
After all the brow-beating, wailing and evenings spent chain-smoking and/or drinking wine, I can imagine myself in her shoes and coming to that place where the utter emptiness and lonliness of the statement "I miss him" comes to light. It sends a shiver down my spine. I pray that I never have to have that feeling.
I've been trying to console and be there for her as much as I can via IM and internet. If you have a spare good universe vibe, could you send it her way? She's in SD.
Oh - and tell the person that you love, you love them. Kiss them. Hug them. Smile when they're making you cranky. Cherish every silly & mundane moment. Life's too short not to.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Well, okay, it's a temp site, and it is shamelessly asking for contributions to our DVD burning/festival submitting fund. There will be more updates soon...a trailer for the film, photos, news & updates....soon....
So, check it out. If you're feeling generous - donate a buck, or two (or 50 - we're not picky...)
Thursday, January 12, 2006
I have taken 2 Emergen-C packets ("lemon/lime") in the past 24 hours and I think they might be helping. I wish I would've had them a week ago.
Tonight - nothing planned....putzing, bill paying, tuna-casserole-making, reading evening. Sounds good to me.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Nothing much new to report other than being blechy.
I do have some thoughts on religion & marriage but I still have a headache so those thoughts may have to wait.
Now, time to scoop the poop.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
This is a big year of change for me - I'm getting married, I need to look towards the future and think about things like our life together, our finances together, having children together, growing old, blah blah blah. There are things that I want in our everyday that I won't be able to accomplish if I'm rehearsing 6-10 6 nights a week for 10 weeks! Gah!
The house projects have to be done. We found a house that we absolutely fell in love with in November (even though we're technically "not looking") and we could've made a move if the house was in selling condition. Don't get me wrong. I love my house. I could live here for a long time - big yard, 3 bedrooms, 2 car garage, 2 bathrooms, huge kitchen, cute porch (now that it's done) - but the neighborhood is not that great and I don't really see myself raising kids (in this neighborhood). The house that we loved is in an incredible neighborhood (where we want to be - Lester Park for those of you who know). A block from the woods which is amazing. And an awesome investment. The property value will skyrocket in the next few years - as it is a very desirable location to live....my neighborhood now? Not so much...so there has to be a few improvements so when the time DOES come we can make a quick move...and hopefully I'll be able to use this winter to finish some projects. As of Sunday - one such pending "project" is now about 75% completed. (mostly by Steve but some by me).
And I just want to have time this winter to get into shape, to look beautiful for my wedding day - which is why I joined the Y in the first place. It's a luxury I can't REALLY afford but it was something I wanted to do for ME and I felt being in a show right now wouldn't allow me time for that. Salsa Cardio may sound silly to you but to me it is a fun and kick ass workout. It inspires me, it humbles me and it gets my heart rate PUMPING.
The retreat with my sister was important to me because it is something we've been planning for months. I would've felt like a huge heel to back out on it. We will have a blast. I enjoy spending time with her so much. I'm glad I'm not going to miss out on that.
And the film fests - there are 2 possible fests that we've submitted to (okay, one, I'm not really holding my breath for but the other one, I kind of am...) and if we get accepted - I might like to go and actually try to sell this g.d. film that I've been working on for almost 3 years...
So there are my reasons - I thought about it long and hard and realize in the face of some of the REAL life issues that my friends are facing, it was a silly debate...but nonetheless it required me thinking it through.
There will be more opportunities....I'll just have to see what's around the corner....
I am feeling better right now...hopefully with some more easy-going and be better tomorrow.
I am a really bad sick person.
I feel like a slug.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
What to do what to do – let’s lay it out…
I’m very flattered and my actor vanity is quite pleased that I was called to audition for this show. I don’t even have to go to auditions, I could go straight to callbacks which is very cool. I like the role and I feel like they’re basically offering it to me. I could be wrong but that’s how I feel.
I don’t want to give up all that time. If it was 4 weeks or even 6 weeks that would be one thing – but this is 10 weeks. 10 weeks!! The last time I worked on a show for 10 weeks I wanted to hang myself.
I already paid for a retreat w/my sister. This has been planned for many months and I’m looking forward to it. I could definitely use the $160 in my bank account IF I could find someone to take my place. If I can’t – I’m out the money and the weekend and that would suck royally.
I am dying to be on stage again. There I said it. I sort of envisioned a smaller show with a good (meatier?) role but I will take what I can get since I’m a wh o re for the stage! And this particular role isn’t bad – not at all. I quite enjoyed it the last time I played her.
If we get into a film festival (or two - there are 2 we’ve submitted to (re; money) that take place during that time) I would want to go. That being said – I cannot afford to go so maybe it’s better if I can’t go??? Does that make sense?
I had fought this fight with myself before about doing the show vs. not. I told Steve that I would help more with the house projects and really focus on that stuff this winter. He knows that theatre is important to me and said he would respect whatever decision I would make…but I feel bad. I think he felt stranded or abandoned when I did the last show and I don’t want him to feel like that again.
That being said – will I have time again this year to do another show? Probably not what with all the wedding hoo-ha that’ll be going on. Will there be more opportunities down the road? Yes, of course….Will I resent the fact that I’ve given up nights & possibly weekends? Or will I sit at home and cry and curse myself for not taking the opportunity to perform.
I have a Y membership which I can just barely afford and will I stop going if I don’t have any time? And then will that just be another waste of money? And what about the snowshoeing and x-country skiing? This production takes up the whole d*mn winter!!< style="font-family: arial;">God, I feel like such a loser – why is this becoming such a big deal for me? What is my problem?!? It’s a community theater show for cryin’ out loud. I’m not turning down a broadway touring production or anything. Sheesh.
I think I’m afraid that if I turn this down and don’t go tonight, they’ll never want me again. That is most likely a silly notion because…well, there isn’t that large of pool of people here. But still the fear is with me. Good lord. Shoot me now.
Monday, January 02, 2006
I got a call tonight from the director of the theater. She's also choreographing the show. She said I should really REALLY come down tomorrow night for the auditions. REALLY.
I am torn.
I have a lot of thinking to do.