Thursday, November 17, 2011

17. So Bad

Gosh I have been doing so poorly at this NaBloPoMo thing. Blah. I mean, yeah, I've technically posted every day but they have been lame. There is just so much going on right now that I can't even take time to sit down and compose a decent sentence in my head.

So many (bad) things that I can't even write about. So much heart break & devastation to come in the near future. So many questions unanswered. Things we never have had to ponder we are pondering. And while most of them are not super-directly related to us, they do hit pretty close to home. Things happening that make you grateful for what you have while all the time wondering how tenuous can things in life actually be (answer: very). Wondering how & why things have gotten to be how they are. If there are any solutions? What will things look like a year from now?

It's overwhelming at the least.

And then there are stupid financial things that we're dealing with. Too many bills. Not enough money. Wondering how I"m going to find a job that pays enough to put two kids in daycare + gives us enough left over to make it to the end of the month. Wondering if me working nights is feasible or if both Steve & I would both immediately go insane. Wishing that I could win the lotto (sadly, I guess you have to play!). Wishing I could come up with some way to work from home so the daycare thing isn't an issue PLUS I could still escape for an evening or two now & then. OH and my stupid car was broken, and that was expensive...and it's further broken & needs to be fixed. Argh. And my fillings need to be replaced. And I haven't gotten new glasses since 2001. Blah blah blah....

Lots of stuff on my mind.

But I am determined to be cheerful this holiday season. I'm looking for ways that we can celebrate & enjoy without spending a lot of money. Steve & I are going to "give" ourselves a new cabinet that we've been wanting with the money we saved from selling things. I'm trying to come up with creative & not totally lame gifts for others - utilizing what I have & my skills to do so (don't worry folks, my gifts aren't all coming from the House of Carrie). I want to sing Christmas carols with my kids & set up the Nativity scene with Dahlia; I want to bake cookies & take them to our neighbors; I want to sled down the hill at the end of our block & come in with rosy cheeks & introduce August to hot (warm) chocolate. I want to have TIME for Steve & I to relax with each other now & then...even if it's just for a couple of hours on the couch for a "date."

As the past 6 months have well demonstrated, things could always be worse. Truly. Things are bad, but things could get take what you have, scoop it up, love it, squeeze it & be grateful everyday. That's what I'm trying to do.


Sarita said...

Oh man Carrie, I feel like your posts have been way less lame than mine. at least you have pictures :)

In my experience, these words hardly ever help until the crap storm has passed, but I'll write them anyway, because they are true: Things will get better. You are so creative, I know you will connect with something great.

Sarah in Scotland said...

I want things to be better for you! You deserve to have things be better. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season. Sending you my love. Mmmwwwaaaahhhhh.