Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Mixed Emotions

Well, there's about 30 days left of this pregnancy (according to my official May 1 due date)...I'm at the point where it occupies most of my thinking time these days.

I'm so excited to meet this new little person & to see what he/she looks like, if it is a he or a she! To figure out his/her name; to (most likely) complete our family.

On the other hand I'm a little melancholy about it not being just the three of us any more. I think that sounds kind of bad, but it's true. We've sort of hit our stride with our routine & we're about to throw it all into confusion. I know we will sort it out. Transition is hard.

I'm excited to get my body back! To not have to be *quite so* careful about what I eat...to be able to go for a hike, or heck, a walk! To be able to breathe normally, turn over in bed normally, to wear normal clothes & be able to bend down & pick things up. To see my feet!

On the other hand I will sort of miss being pregnant. Knowing that I am completely providing for & protecting my new baby. I will miss the kicks & wiggles (but not all the bathroom breaks). This is *most likely* the last time I'll be doing this - this is IT! Part of that makes me a little sad.

I'm exited to be home with my two kidlets. To be able to be a very active part of their growth, development, nurturing.

On the other hand, I'm terrified that I will HATE being home all the time. Being 'isolated,' taking Dahlia out of the 'school' that she really enjoys. Will we have enough activities to keep us busy/occupied? Will there be enough social interaction for Dahlia & for me? Will I lose my mind completely?

I'm excited for new baby snuggles...not so much for sleep deprivation.

I'm excited to move on to a new part of my life (lack of job & all) but I'm a little scared to move on to a new part of my life.

The emotions that come with pregnancy are intense. Granted. A *normal* non-pregnant person would be dealing with pros & cons of major life changes (family change, income change, job change) but throw in some crazy hormones, an aching back & pelvis & the sheer excitement + anxiety about physically bringing a human being into this world is almost too much to bear!

I feel like I'm ready and totally not ready. Mentally, emotionally, physically, environmentally (well, the room still isn't 100% finished but so be it). I feel as though this NEW BIG THING could happen any day now. (personally, I'm REALLY hoping that it doesn't happen tomorrow because a birthday on April Fool's Day just doesn't seem right).

One thing I do not have mixed emotions about - bringing this baby into the world in the SPRING time! It feels absolutely magical & I think that will help things around this household immensely. It was tough in the dead of winter to have a newborn, so at least I'm very certain that I'm pleased about that!

9 comments:

Kate said...

No matter what happens, you can do it! It's sad and exciting and scary and joyful and WAY TOO MANY EMOTIONS ALL AT ONCE! But you'll do it. You will. And there will be new routine and new interactions with Dahlia and the new sibling and it's going to be wonderful. I just know it.

feisty said...

It will be sad to see the end of the 3-person family unit, and transition will be tough. In a couple weeks, you will be ready. That baby is so lucky to come intot he world in SPRING....no winter crud!

you can do it! just think, you will make sure this baby will get enough to eat right off the bat, so maybe it will sleep? but what do i know, i have a 7 and a half month old non-sleeping (at night) baby.

Sarita said...

Ditto.

Sarita said...

Except for the job thing and baby coming any day. I'm sure this baby will hang out 'til his due date.

Holly said...

My coworker who sits next to me is due around the same time as you and she is nervous. This is her first.

You are a pro, think about all the nerves you had when Dahlia was born and how now you are a SUPER-MAMA (you have to shout that when you read it, FYI).

I hear you on the 3-4 thing. But I think you will find the sibling love thing wins you over in a heartbeat.

And my friend Jen has a 4/1 birthday. It's a blast - we always go out for her bithday and her 30th was a kick b/c we tricked her good! But you aren't going tomorrow. Don't feel it yet.

Meigan said...

What a great post. You might want to print it out & save it for the baby book. I remember thinking some of those exact thoughts. I felt so bad about the end of our 3-person family. Funny but I've never looked back since. Four totally rocks!

gina said...

I know what you mean... lots of changes ahead for me, too! 2 kids, new work situation. I have a little window right now with part-time self employement and I love it, but not sure if I can keep that up after baby comes (paying for 2 in daycare, etc). Staying home full-time used to look like the ideal to me, but now I'm not so sure! But I haven't tried it yet, either. There are actually some pretty good books out there about it... on is called "Staying Home Instead", a little older, but good. It is an adjustment, I'm sure, but great in it's own way.

You'll do great! Best wishes!

Cello Mama said...

Crap. I just had a long and lovely comment written, but then tried to cut-and-paste using Microsoft hotkeys on the iMac and wound up losing the whole thing.

I'll just retype the last part: so are you for sure staying home? Just for awhile or indefinitely?? We should talk!

LaurenSmash said...

don't feel bad! My mom said she didn't like any of her kids at first and that she felt like they were an intrusion to her happy family. But then she got us and knew she loved us and that the family wasn't complete without us. :) There is always room for you family :D