Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Half-Owner

I'm still struggling with my sense of who I am in this business. I know, in my brain, in my heart and in my soul that I am "good enough" and "smart enough" (Thanks Stuart Smalley) to kick ass and get a lot of shit done. But even while having this knowledge there is a fear, or a catch or a....I don't know what that holds me back. I feel like if was free I could do so much more but free of what? Why not test that theory by just plowing ahead? Make changes, take a stand and get the job done...but I don't. I sink back into my role as "secretary" and "brainless-chimp" and just fret and whine about it. I don't know how to stop this cycle. I don't know how to break free. I don't want to give up but I want to give up. I just don't know what to do any more.

3 comments:

Cello Mama said...

I blame your primary business partner. I think there has to be something left over from long ago that you're not even aware of that's holding you back. Somehow, he still wears those pants.

You are a grown woman and a wife and a mom and one of the most incredibly creative, talented and energetic people I know.

In your heart, I bet you know what you want to do. You want to do your job without worrying about his approval.

So, to quote Nike: Just do it.

Kate said...

Girlie, we ALL believe in you. And if something's holding you back from your dreams? Drop it. Like a bad habit. Like my drinking. I want so much for you to succeed, it makes my heart hurt. So do what you have to do.

juliemac_29 said...

Would taking on an actual secretary free you up from having to deal with all the pedantic stuff since "the partner" won't? Just someone to do the stuff that it's really not critical either of you handle - mailings, etc. Then it removes temptation of him looking at you as the admin.