Emergency Shopping Trip

So we're leaving for CA tomorrow and quite frankly I have mixed emotions...

For one, I'm TOTALLY squishy...and yes, I know, I had a baby 3 months ago so no one will hold it against me - except me. I don't like it. I don't fit into *normal* clothes and all my t-shirts are so shrunk up from years (decades? yes, I found a t-shirt from college in my dresser today...) that with my new large mid-section they DEFINITELY don't fit. So I had to go shopping today for a few casual but in style short sleeved shirts and I was nearly in tears in Old Navy. I found a few things that looked better at Penney's but MAN it's depressing. I'm trying to adhere by the WHAT NOT TO WEAR mantra of who cares what the size is as long as it looks good and makes you feel good but seriously? I'm not happy.

The other thing is...I'm going to miss my baby. It's weird. I've been with her nearly ALL of her life and while I know I will enjoy getting away, sleeping in, having adult time with Steve & hanging with old friends, I will miss my snuggle time, and her smiles and even her weird grunts & cries. I'm sure by Monday I will be ITCHIN' to grab her and squeeze her and smother her with kisses. I"ll probably walk off the plane and yell GIVE ME THAT BABY...which will be funny because the baby won't be AT the airport. I might get some looks.

The OTHER other thing is...my LA life is so far removed from my Duluth life. For a while I felt *cool* in the LA way - no, no cosmetic surgery or super-hip fashions, but I felt the energy of the city, 'the scene' etc...Granted I was fairly miserable in LA. My life after LA has been MUCH more full - let's see, bought a house, met & married an awesome guy, started my own film company and had a baby - what'd I do in LA? Well, needless to say - part of me misses THAT Carrie. Not that I want to go back...I just want to feel not as damn FRUMPY as I do today. Maybe that's my big problem. I don't know.

I think there is something about returning to where you once were...who you once knew, the places you frequented etc. I won't *own* it any more like I used to (I felt the same way when I moved back to Duluth).

I'm rambling but needless to say - the emotions are mixed.

LUCKILY I'm hanging out with some of my favorite people this weekend Sam & Cary and of course seeing Sudhara getting hitched will be awesome. Hopefully I will get to see Heather & Jim & Geoff & Sarah too!! Anyway - I'll be back next week...have a good weekend.

Comments

Kate said…
I think of it as "returning to the scene of the crime!" I have yet to even consider returning to North Carolina to hang out with my friends that I met there. My life was SO messed up when I lived there, and yet it was freeing to be doing something so totally different. I get where you're coming from I think.

And yes, WHAT NOT TO WEAR always talks about making sure things fit. You're stylish if you're wearing your size and it's tailored, not tent-like. Blech. I commiserate with tears at Old Navy. Been there.

I'll be thinking about you and even though you will miss the wee one, try to enjoy your adult time. I'll be thinking of you. Safe Travels!
7:07 PM
michelle said…
i completely understand everything you just said. well - i don't have a baby but if i did i'm sure i'd feel the same about her as well :)

the clothes SUCK! seriously - they tell you to ignore size but it's so very hard. especially when your size can vary so much from store to store becuase they all have their own measurement system to f*ck with our heads! agh. so - that said. i'm glad you found a few things and try not to worry about it. you're a beauty!

and the whole going back to an old place - i agree. so many mixed emotions go along with that! crazy.

but - have fun! and i cannot wait to see you! i'll e-mail you next week and we can secure some sort of plan :)
7:22 PM
Anonymous said…
Have a great trip! I know it'll be hard to be away from that girl but you will enjoy it. I'm proud of you for going.
9:41 PM
Meigan said…
I think it's great you're getting away this early in Dahlia's life. Because from now on & will be easy to do & hopefully you will do it often. Good for you, good for your marriage, good for Dahlia!

Have so much fun this weekend! I felt the same way about going back to Boston with Kyle - it was nowhere near the same as when I had lived there as a fun skinny single gal, but oh well.

Can't wait to hear all about it!
8:09 PM
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