Poop

Can I be frank here? Of course I can. It’s my ‘blog.

<>I want to talk about poop. There I said it.

<>I know I’m not the first to talk about this (Dooce for one) nor am I the first to talk about poop at work (ClarkSchpiell) but it is a very delicate subject for me so it’s a first in that sense.

I am the kind of person who wants no one to have any idea that I’m going to…well….poop. EVER. Especially not at work. Egads. The timing has to be just right going into the bathroom, all signals must be obeyed…oops someone’s coming in behind me – I better just wash my hands or blow my nose…or someone’s heading in and I’m behind them so I’ll just go to the cafeteria or go get office supplies instead. And I make sure to follow the rules when I’m in the bathroom….if someone is quietly sitting in a stall when I enter – I understand they’re doing their business and make my business and quick and efficient as possible. I pee, flush, wash hands and am out the door in under a minute. I don’t want the other person to be uncomfortable or embarrassed or whatever. I realize that most of this is projection but whatever. My story. What annoys me the most is when I’m in and someone comes in or two people come in or whatever and I’m following the rules and politely waiting for the others to leave and then one person. ONE person has to dink around…she’s going to take the longest time ever buckling her belt or pulling up her hose or washing her hands….water has to run for 2 fucking minutes and has to be the precise temperature….the soap must be dispensed with such exactness that she may have to do it again if it’s not right and then she’ll have to brush her teeth (!!!!) and wipe down all the counters and surfaces before fixing her hair in the mirror, applying lipstick and blowing her nose. THEN and only then will she leave and let me poop in peace. That is so not cool.

Comments

Constance Squared said…
I am exactly the same way. I never knew anyone else knew my rules.... :-)
10:46 AM
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