Appreciation

As I was sitting at my desk this morning – thinking ho-hum thoughts about my job, life, path etc it suddenly dawned on me to knock it off. I’m not one to get depressed or down too often (hence the blog name) but I do occasionally drift off into the land of melancholy for a few hours here and there…uncertain if the choices I’ve made in life have been correct, never being able to leave the "what am I waiting for" feelings behind and generally getting frustrated with my daily existence.

Of course I feel those things. I think everyone does to some extent. And for those who don’t, I’m green with envy.

Yes, I’m not happy with working a "day job." Unfortunately I am good at doing menial office tasks…typing, filing, answering phones, reports in excel, etc. I have a brain in my head and I like to get things done…and I’ve been doing this work now for about 7 years so I have some experience…which leads to quite good paying jobs and along with that the daily rut.

But, I have food on my table every day. I have a roof over my head. A roof that I actually own. I have a man that I love to pieces and who loves me back. I have heat in the winter, I have a yard with grass in the summer. I have an incredible family who is close knit, who loves me and supports me. I have amazing friends. I think about some people in our city, state, country, world who have to work multiple jobs just to make ends meet; just to put a little bread or rice on the table and I redden with shame. I think about people who have no access to clean water, no clothes to cover naked bodies, no medicines to heal those that are sick and I am filled with guilt. The biggest crises in my life right now have to deal with getting my film done in time for Sundance (what a lofty goal as compared to making a difference in the world…sheesh) or the fact that my bike got stolen a few days ago.

Sure, I’m not using my creative talents in a way that I would like, I suffer from middle-America malaise when I get up each morning and wonder what it’s all about. I get crabby at stupid drivers; annoyed at people writing checks in a long, slow-moving line at the grocery store (which happens to be nearby, well lit, always fully stocked and open 24 hours – and I complain?!?), doing daily chores can be, well, a chore…but over all…I have it pretty damn good. I need to spend more time being thankful for what I have and trying to improve my corner of the world – by being a better neighbor, friend, citizen, partner – and go from there. I may not be rich. I may struggle through certain times of the month financially.

I may dream for bigger and better things…but it’s time to start appreciating what I already have.

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