9 Days

Well, a little progress was made last night. It’s always a slow start, even when I get there early. Very frustrating. We worked on finishing a couple of the 8mm scenes, listened (& critiqued) some of the new music R has created for a couple sequences. I also made a list of everything that has to be done by next Thursday. Ugh. My brain was a complete marshmallow by about 10:20. That wasn’t even 4 hours of work? What is wrong with me?

On another front – our new mattress has come in – yipeee! The boy had to go out of town for work today – and I’m at work so unfortunately we will have to wait til Monday for delivery but that’s no big deal. We’re gone this weekend anyway so the official count of nights on the crappy bed is 2. Hallelujah! And just to be nice – the crappy bed gave us both a wonderful night of sleep, a snuggly kitty (Beavis) and a silent kitty (Iko) and no new cat pee in the basement! Yes!

And on the third & final front…I’m depressed today…again about money. I just don’t know how I can be in such a state. I’m a good person. I pay my bills, I don’t really spend on myself (well, the occasional case of beer, book, CD, new mattress pad for said mattress) but my god, it’s neverending. I have by paying off the first film since 1999….I have new debt from current film…when will it end?!? My job pays pretty well –especially for Duluth but I feel like there’s a gigantic boulder sitting on my chest every time I think about not quite being able to squeak by. And it seems to be getting worse. How can that be?! The boy has moved in and is helping me with the mortgage & utilities….I’m eating his food (much to his disdain I’m sure)…every time I figure out…”Oh October is going to be the month when I finally catch up” – it isn’t! It’s incredibly frustrating and depressing and when I think about the trips I want to go on, the things I’d like to do with the house – I cringe. I can’t bear to put things on the credit card any more. I don’t have time to get a 2nd job…but I’m not sure what else to do. We’re having a garage sale the first weekend in October (come by! Great deals on lots of fabulous items) but I hardly think that is going to pull me out of any hole. *sigh* I’m seriously considering working at the Encoding Center again this Christmas is they ask me. It is the most soul-sucking job I’ve ever done, but it pays well. I don’t need a social life, do I?

But alas...it somehow always works out. I know that if I keep working hard and doing what I need to do - I'll be a step closer to financial freedom every day. It's frustrating but a good lesson in practicing patience and discipline (with myself...). The hardest part is not being able to buy my friends & family crazy presents. For that I feel very guilty. *sigh* (besides, once I sell the film for bucco bucks I won't have to worry about my silly little bills, will I? heh heh - hey I can dream...)

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