Naturally Optimistic

Do you ever have a dream where you have a wonderful conversation with someone...? Someone who has either passed away or who you haven't seen/talked to in a long time? Someone who you've been thinking about lately, who you have things you'd like to say to but would probably never (either due to fear of sounding corny or crazy)? I usually have these conversations with my friend Sarah who passed away 2 1/2 years ago. I feel as though they are visits from her and I treasure them. I REALLY think that she is communicating with me from the other side and I am grateful for them. Last night I had a long wandering conversation with an old friend. Someone I haven't TALKED to in at least 15 years. It was so much fun. We wandered all these weird dream landscapes and relived so many memories. I was able to tell him so many things I've wanted to tell him lately and it was just so nice to say everything 'out loud.' So much so that I'm sure this dream must've affecte...

I found this amongst my "journal" writings today.... Isn’t there more than this? Shouldn’t I be doing something else? I’m getting very sick and tired of feeling this way. Am I a productive member of society? Am I making a difference in this world? Am I just scraping by? What am I supposed to be doing? I get up every morning and go to work and contemplate what the hell I’m supposed to e doing with my life. I don’t think it’s this. And I don’t like coming off crabby and depressed to my friends or to Steve. Steve is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I’m extremely happy and grateful that he came into my life. But the rest of my life? Pffft. What the fuck? I never thought that I would end up in this position. Can’t I have a ‘job’ which I love and which I want to spring out of bed every day for and at the end of it all I will have changed someone’s life or affected people in a positive way? Ack. I can't believe I'm about to get that "job" and hopeful...

Huh.... That was easy . I mean...really quite easy. I can't talk about it yet but the first official meeting for Super-Secret-Idea-#1 went SWIMMINGLY well. As in...I think it might actually possibly conceivably happen. With little hand wringing, swearing and tears. Huh. Bizarre. I don't even know how to feel right now. I cannot feel too happy (chickens & eggs hatching the whole cliche) and I am not sad (because clearly this has piqued the right interest in the right people with the right $) and I'm just sort of... Huh..... Stay tuned....

Lately I have been consumed with daydreams. Good, wonderful, optimistic, creative daydreams. It's obvious to me that I have to make a change in my life. There are so many GREAT things in my life, so many wonderful things & people that I am very grateful for...but alas what I do every day leaves me unfufilled, bored, depressed, unchallenged and uninterested. It's hard to spend the bulk of my LIFE where I do. That being said - it's not terrible...there are good people, I have some fun and heck, it helps me pay the mortgage so it's not all bad. It's just not what I think I *should* be doing with my life. It's a rut. It's where I am right now. So, there are some super-secret ideas brewing. Some are dreams I've been chasing for many many years...some are new ideas that are intriguing and exciting to me. And scary. Heck it's all scary. It's hard to give up what you have but sometimes you have to to make things better in the long run. Nothing is DEF...