Naturally Optimistic

Today, January 7th, was a day I have looked forward to for many weeks (40 actually). Of course the little one had plans of her own. It's strange to think back how excited I was for a date and now how little significance it holds.

*sigh* because I need some. This feeding thing.....it's tough. For some reason I'm just not producing very much which makes for one hungry baby. It is getting a little better but not that much. I'm getting frustrated which I know doesn't help anything...and then I cry (again). We went to the lactation consultant last Thursday. She was very nice & helpful and way less scary than I thought she would be. She weighed Miss Dahlia, gave us some feeding tips, sold me a feeding pillow (she didn't push it - I just used it there and loved it), gave us some formula samples for supplementing if we needed it, made a "Plan" for us and all was good...but the milk still didn't come. So we went back on Monday. I started taking the herbal supplement fenugreek on Saturday and thought by Monday it would've "kicked in" - but it hasn't really. We weighed her again and she was over her discharge weight (yay!) but I'm still freaking out because I don...

1. You can never have *too many* burp cloths. 2. No matter how tired you are, somehow you will make it through each day and each night. (although I am still sort of dreading the nights right now). 3. There is a lot more crying than I'd expected - from me, not her. 4. Girls are very capable of spraying you with their pee, just like boys. 5. Just when you think you've outsmarted them by layering a towel over the clean diaper, they will poop immediately upon putting the new diaper on anyway. 6. Breastfeeding is hard. 7. I HAVE to spend time just looking at her and cuddling her and kissing her - I can't imagine not doing that for most of my day. 8. Some days (hours?) I will just feel like freaking out. 9. Having a husband who's been very wonderful and stepping up and tackling more of the household duties, rocks. 10. Crib Sheet Savers should be called "sanity savers." 11. She is the most precious thing I can imagine.

...Continued.... Steve's Mom called him again and told him to high-tail it back to Duluth because the baby was coming NOW. I asked her to also call my parents and I think she might have called someone else. I have no idea. All I knew was OH MY GOD so this is labor! I was still in the 7-8 range on the pain cycle...I knew there would be more. They asked me if I could walk (!) over to The Birthplace and I probably laughed...um, no....so they wheeled me over on a bed. I remember a nurse saying "well, I wouldn't be walking at 7cm either!" I also remember lots of people in a flurry of activity - getting the room ready, turning the baby warmer thingy on, moving me from the triage bed to the birthing bed (not fun). My contractions were strong I was beginning to worry that Steve wasn't going to make it. I was trying to use my breathing with the help of a lovely labor & delivery nurse. My MIL was hovering near and offering support as much as she good and constantly chec...

Last Thursday I was home from work. I had finished up a few things and was planning on doing the rest on Friday. I spent Thursday at home wrapping Christmas presents, finishing Christmas presents, sending off the last of the cards (well, writing them anyway), getting packages ready to be mailed, making lasagna to freeze for after Baby B's arrival etc....it was a pretty good day. But my back was KILLING me. I chalked it up to the fact that, duh, I was carrying an extra 30lbs on the front of my body and I was slowing down and needed to get off my feet, relax, etc. Early labor never even crossed my mind. Not once. So, the next morning (and here with go with the TMI for all you squeamish types out there), I got up as Steve was getting ready to leave. Gush. (that's said in a little voice because it wasn't a GUSH. "Hmmm, that's weird," I thought...but not much more of it because, well, I WASN'T in ready for labor, right? (**note - earlier in the week I noticed m...

It's been quite a week with little Miss Dahlia around. I am exhausted as I suspected I would be, but in a different way than I thought. That doesn't make much sense but it does to me so...there. :) More details to come - but things have been rocky with the feedings which is why I'm a basketcase, I think. Not much milk from Mama...barely a 1/2 ounce to an ounce after every feeding which explains why she lost a lot of weight initially and why she was screaming her head off. *sigh* Hopefully we'll be on track soon. In other news she's soooooooo beautiful and cute and wow. I love her.

and IT'S A GIRL!! I'll do a proper introduction later and the whole story and everything but in the meantime, we had a baby girl. 2:15pm on Friday afternoon (I posted at, what? 10;30am? You do the math!!). Her name is Dahlia Marie and she weighed in at a whopping 6lbs even. 19 1/4" long and so incredibly gorgeous (although, I might be a wee bit biased). The birth was the most amazing experience I've ever been through and my mind is still, well, blown, quite frankly. I am so tired though...time for a quick nap before we try to feed again.

Would you believe I'm actually trying to figure out if my water broke this morning and if I'm having (regular) contractions and I'm BLOGGING about it? My guess is no, false alarm....but my god things seem to be happening in a text-booky sort of way. Of course I have to update & charge my iPod before I'm leaving this house. I'll keep ya posted......

I'm also having issues. *sigh* Big fat depressing thoughts-rolling-around-in-my-brain issues. Issues about futures, happiness, 'what do I want to be when I grow up,' etc and so on...which then leads to guilt, and unfinished Christmas projects, and sleep but sleep is hard to come by so mostly just laying, and drooling - GOOD LORD THE PREGNANCY DROOLING I will not miss. I am in a funk. This year is so weird - I mean "this Christmas season" because Steve & I are so distracted....so preoccupied...not only is the new job kicking his ass (he hasn't had to be on someone else's schedule since before I knew him), but I'm exhausted and there are a million things to do and the house is a disaster and it's all we can do to sit together for 30 minutes before we declare we MUST go to bed and this is BEFORE we even HAVE the new little person in the house. Ay yi yi. I'm sure it's all *normal* and *natural* and "baby cold feet" is probablly wh...

Just back from the diabetes clinic and apparently I've gained about 3lbs since last Tuesday. Doh. I'm inclined to believe it's because 1) there's a human being inside me; 2) they didn't make me take off my shoes this week (and they have previously) and 3) mint m&m's. I think Steve should hide those because I'm proving to have NO will power. I've also been home more in the past week. When I'm at the office I have my lunch, my snacks - all measured out and no extra temptations...but at home there are temptations galore! I have to get back on track. Only 2 weeks to go so hopefully I can reign myself in. It's not easy.

I've decided to see how many days in a row I can wear the same thing without anyone noticing. Or rather, without anyone commenting. Since I mostly just see Steve, Jason & sometimes a couple of other friends/film people, I think I could potentially go on for a long time. I'm not generally a slob, I'm just running out of options and when I'm home I'd rather be wearing Steve's "comfy pants" (which I have co-opted for the time being). So far - no one's said a word - ha! Actually, I did laundry last night so I might be changing it up tomorrow. We'll see. In other news, doctor's appointment today - scheduled induction DECEMBER 26TH at 6am! Well, 6am is when I go in. Ay yi yi. I'm sure our Christmas Day (night) celebrations will NOT be preoccupied at all. No - why would they be? Eeek. The baby was TOTALLY sleeping during it's biophysical profile today -after being up ALL NIGHT I might add. We had to literally wake the little one up so ...

Okay - I started one: Submit your best guesses!!

The new thing is now is to get kicked repeatedly in my ribs (left side) before I get up in the morning. It's my little internal alarm clock or something that says "I'm hungry! Feed Me" or "Get up! You're going to be late for the doctor!" It's a very weird sensation and it's SO HIGH UP. I tried to get Steve to see/feel it this morning and he started feeling something but I had to tell him that no, that was in fact my rib. Shortly thereafter he was able to see it. I'm definitely slowing down. Definitely. If I sit or lay too long in one position everything hurts when I get up. Ugh. Creaky. That's how I feel. It goes away relatively quickly but it sucks for those 3am bathroom breaks. Dressing sucks, trying to pick up anything off the floor requires a gynmastic like quality that I just don't possess right now and I'm starting to notice stretch marks. Hmph. I thought I was off the hook thanks to my good genes but apparently not. Steve...

Well, I made it. The weather was considerably better today than yesterday and I was able to get on the road by about 10:30 or so this morning. It would've been earlier, but our garage was fairly drifted in and it would've taken too long for Steve to get it cleared out....but all that fussing took time and I ended up taking Steve's car - which was cleverly parked on the street as to not get blocked in the alley. The roads were....eh....not *too* bad but I was sufficiently paranoid to slow my driving and feel like a turtle. Oh well. I kept telling Baby B that sometimes you have to go at your own pace in life, even when other cars are flying past you, and that's okay. We made it in just over 2 1/2 hours which is not far off actual pace. The shower was very nice! My cousins Abbey & Meaghan along with my sister threw it for the R- side of the family. It was fun to get to see people since I won't see them at Christmas this year. We played a few games (sculpting baby i...

Ah my first loads of baby laundry! I loved it but know that will pass quickly enough. It was just so much fun to take everything out and sort & wash/dry & fold it. Now if we could just get the baby's room DONE so I can put it away. Hmph. I have 3 options for a "going home" outfit....I'm trying to decide which I think will work the best. Of course not knowing how big Baby B is that might be difficult until later but at least there are options. Wheeeee! Me? I'll be wearing my uniform of late - black velour sweatsuit (jump suit?) which I love. Thank goodness for hand-me-downs from my sister. In other news - I didn't screw up dinner last night. Thank goodness. It would've been pretty hard to screw up anyway. I picked a recipe & bought ingredients. I had Steve throw everything in the crockpot around lunchtime yesterday...I added some peas & onions and voila! "Easy Chicken Ala King" - I even made biscuits (okay - trans-fat free bisquic...

Time is seriously flying. When I think back on this pregnancy I remember in June, July, August...etc that it was so far away - Baby B's arrival was just a potential date on a calendar. A date in the winter. A date when there'd probably be snow and the holidays would be over. And now....it is imminent. That is scary. I'm not ready. I am mentally preparing and we're doing things around the house but the actual thought of bringing the little one home is terrifying to me. I understand that these are normal feelings but OH MY GOD. I'm excited too. I did the first couple loads of baby laundry last night and I can't wait to snuggle up with the little one wearing these itty bitty clothes. The thought of bonding with our child - of playing, kissing, cuddling, hugging, nursing, loving Baby B is overwhelming. And when we can start doing things outside our house as a family - that is a thrilling prospect. I guess it's just a continuation of the roller coaster ride an...

This day is rapidly going down hill. I blame hormones, lack of sugar, insensitivity of certain people and my flu shot. My arm is starting to get sore. And sadly, that is enough to make me cry right now. Hmph.

This picture was taken last Thursday, but it cracks me up. That's my current view. :) In other news: Baby B is doing great and scored a perfect "8" on his/her 'bio-physical' test today (ultra sound). I also got to see some 3-d images which were cool (Steve thinks it's cheating). I did my usual pee in the cup routine and promptly spilled the pee down the front of my sweatshirt (lovely) and I got a flu shot. My first ever. I'm on the fence about whether or not I think they are *good* thing or a *bad* thing but I figured at least this way when my Mom says "have you gotten a flu shot yet?" I can just say yes and be done with it. We're off to Austin in a few hours so I better go pack!