Naturally Optimistic

Just found out I got a 2nd interview for the job I went in for yesterday! Cool. However, I'm still not sure if we can make it all work out on the salary they're paying. I guess we'll cross that bridge when & if we get to it! Thanks for the good vibes, everyone!

I am seriously contemplating quitting my job. I can't take it any more.

Our house is a disaster! Seriously. I cannot stand it. We have all the radiators off upstairs, so that we can paint them & the walls behind them (and remove disgusting wallpaper); the wallboard in the upstairs bathroom is still incomplete, Dahlia's room is ALMOST complete, but her dresser is in the hallway & the changing table is in our room, and the rug is rolled up against the wall in our bedroom; the bookshelves are not not painted yet - so there are piles of books everywhere....the downstairs hasn't been painted so no artwork has been hung (we are approaching our one-year-anniversary in this house; the kitchen has ONE coat of paint on it but not 2 so that's not done. We have "new" (old) radiators in our basement that are waiting to be installed. ARGH!!!!! I'm so sick of it! I want to move into a house that is DONE DONE DONE!!! Because...all THESE changes are cosmetic! Just wait til we dive into the wiring & plumbing. ARGH!!!!!!

I'm still struggling with my sense of who I am in this business. I know, in my brain, in my heart and in my soul that I am "good enough" and "smart enough" (Thanks Stuart Smalley) to kick ass and get a lot of shit done. But even while having this knowledge there is a fear, or a catch or a....I don't know what that holds me back. I feel like if was free I could do so much more but free of what? Why not test that theory by just plowing ahead? Make changes, take a stand and get the job done...but I don't. I sink back into my role as "secretary" and "brainless-chimp" and just fret and whine about it. I don't know how to stop this cycle. I don't know how to break free. I don't want to give up but I want to give up. I just don't know what to do any more.

I am sooooo over everything right now. OVER. IT.

Is it wrong to want to work in a positive, creative environment? In a place where creativity is fostered, ideas are brainstormed, people receive constructive criticism instead of glares of disgust? Is it wrong to want to be grateful for the opportunities presented each day or for being allowed to learn new skills, develop new talents & explore imaginations? Is it so wrong to want to be respected, not treated like a doormat, but an equal? I'm fed up.

Please send Steve your good vibes....he's in an interview right now for a job that would KICK ASS for him. It's a long process with many steps and he's in the middle of it (it involved testing, an assignment, an interview, field work, etc). He's very nervous and although he prepped a lot and he knows his stuff, I just hope he's doing okay! AND it's his birthday! Wouldn't that be a good birthday present? Being able to kiss his current job goodbye? Heck ya!

Way too busy....working, editing some campaign stuff for our mayoral race (re-doing I should say...), calling people, calling people back, emailing people, being happy about certain things working out, getting seriously irritated that some people are flaking out, having meetings, doing more editing, learning that I'm an idiot, knitting (I seriously needed a break), dealing with crabby people (including me), taking MariAnna to a play (Winnie the Pooh), eating dinner WAY too late and now I'm ready for bed. OH and I got some amazing and wonderful and exciting news...but that is top secret. :) Baby B is unfazed.....of course..... ;) Time for this evening's "dance party." GOOD NIGHT!

The other day - I got a $21 parking ticket for being at a meter "too long." Not being at an "expired" meter (as I am diligent in setting my cell phone alarm and plugging the damn thing. [pauses to set cell phone alarm] So on the ticket it says there had been 'complaints' that I had been at that meter too long? WTF? I have no where to park! Since my building that I work in is under major construction I have to park on the street and the meters are one-hour meters but I keep plugging them. Have been doing this for a month with no problem. I think because this particular meter was close to the front door (hallelujah!) the contractors (who are working here and hogging up the basement parking AND the close meters) got irritated and "complained" to Lovely Rita the Meter Maid. Anyway - whatever. I moved my car. I found a spot that had NO METER (score!) due to a hotel recently completed and parked there happily for two days without paying a cent. Then I we...

I'm having one of those afternoons. One where I don't know what to do with myself. I am lonely in my new office (only person in the building no less) and I'm feeling like I can't quite find my flow. I'm grateful for this opportunity and can't wait til things pick up but in the meantime I'm feeling ever so slightly....useless.. Hmph.

I'm pretty sure I'm the only person working today. *hmph* That's what it feels like anyway!!