Naturally Optimistic

It was okay. Don't get me wrong. I had no BAD feeling about this place whatsoever. It was open & clean...there is a cook that comes in and makes breakfast & lunch daily (uh, can I go there?); there are age appropriate activities & potty training & nap time & books & songs, etc. There is a playground and outside play is encouraged. I liked the director & the teachers. It was fine. But it was a daycare. There ya go. There's my hangup. So we'll keep it in mind. We have a couple other places to inquire about/look at and we're also trying to figure out if we could share a nanny with a few other people. We'll see what works. If I could I would stay home. It's such a weird time in my life. I have my dream job in two places. *sigh*

Okay - off to view daycare option #1. Wish me luck.

I didn't change her. She usually sleeps 30 minutes max at nap time (lucky me!) so I didn't want to risk it... She doesn't have a problem with diaper rash - hardly ever has had it (knock on wood) so I felt okay there. Of course when she woke up 25 or so minutes later - she had pooped more and her pants were wet. *sigh* So I should've just changed her - her cute outfit would've been saved and she probably would've slept for 25 minutes later anyway. Ah well....I guess each situation is different. Welcome to motherhood. :)

So, when you're feeding your daughter, or son, a bottle and she's clearly falling asleep because it's approaching naptime, and it then becomes apparent that she's got a stinky diaper but by the time she's done eating, she's snoring - do you just lay her down and wait til she wakes up (probably 1/2 hour or less) or do you risk waking her up and changing her immediately? I have my answer, I'm curious to hear yours.

My first Mother's Day. CRAZY. One year ago on Mother's Day we told our families that Dahlia was going to be. I can't believe it was a year ago. The day started off with Dahlia sleeping until 6:22 - which she hasn't done in a while. She's been on a streak where she's been waking at 2:30 or so - just for kicks. She usually goes back to sleep easily but it's still annoying to get up. So sleeping until 6:22 was great. After her bottle I brought her back into bed for snuggling. By 8 or so she was ready to get up and Steve got up with her and I slept - in the bed - alone - for about 40 minutes. IT WAS GREAT! We had a nice brunch cooked by Steve and had generally lazy morning. Later in the afternoon we took Dahlia for a stroll and then to my MIL's for dinner. It was all in all a very nice day. Steve gave me a SWEET bottle of tequila (ah, he knows me so well....okay, there IS a story behind that...) and two roses - one from him, one from Dahlia. On the card Dahl...

It was one year ago today that I found out that Dahlia would come to be. A WHOLE YEAR AGO. That is freaky. Time moves in a freakishly fast way. *sigh* She had her 4 month appointment yesterday - even though she is 4 months 3 weeks, but ah well. We have to stay on this schedule for the vaccinations. Weighing in at: 11lbs 10oz! That's the 4th percentile. Although her cheeks & thighs are getting splendidly plump. :) Height: 24 1/8 inches! She's grown nearly 5 inches - that is hard to believe. Head circumference: 16 5/8 inches!!!! 70th percentile! I'm chalking it up to a very large brain. So yeah, my kid has a big head. No wonder I have trouble getting onesies over her head which otherwise fit her just fine. She had her shots which sucked...for both of us. Ugh. I hate that. Not only does it suck to see her get stuck, to see her scream but I also worry about the side effects. She woke up at 4:40 this morning with a fever of 100.5 which isn't too bad but she's never h...

Nothing like starting the week with a fresh warm batch of spit up right down the front of you shirt...on the inside...

Today is a little bit better...mostly because whenever I have thoughts of THINGS THAT MUST BE DONE I push them out of my head and move on to something else...like washing more bottles. Right now? Little Miss is in the bathroom in her bouncy because she LOVES to fall asleep in there while I take my shower and really? Why should I move her? If she's good, I'm good, right? As far as the last couple of posts...I don't know what my problem is. I will say it a million times over. It's not that I'm overly worried about housework or that crap - I've never really kept that tidy of a house anyway. It's not that I'm DYING to go back to work - just that I feel pressure to keep things afloat so I can, you know, continue to have an income and not go into the poorhouse. I *don't think* I'm trying to be SuperMom but I'm sure I'm trying a little bit. I think it's a combination of not knowing what I'm doing + not enough sleep + cranky baby (someday...

Last night was not good. I think I jinxed myself by asking for 6 or 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep. We switched Dahlia's formula yesterday because we just can't afford to keep her on the liquid kind. Oh I wish we could. So we went from Similac Sensitive RS to Similac Sensitive (no RS). She drank it just fine and had minimal spitting up in the night which was great...but she only slept for about TWO HOURS AT AT A TIME! What's up with that? She would wake up screaming & hungry - well, one time there was a messy diaper.... I thought I would lose my mind last night. Steve had the "night off" as he was exhausted and I was up at 11:45 (went to bed at about 10), 1:30 til 2:20; 4:00 til 5:20 and 6:30!!! WTF? It was awful. My mind is so mushy when the sleep is that little that I get aggravated at her and I know it's not her fault. It is just so hard to go for so long with so little sleep. I fed her at 6:30 and brought her into bed with me...I put her on her tummy (...

When do the smiles come? I need some smiles! I mean I REALLY need some smiles!!!!!

We had a temperature drop of 60 degrees the other day. From midnight to 6am. 60 DEGREES! It went from 40 to -20 in 6 hours. YUCK. No wonder we have ice on the INSIDE of our windows. Ah old houses with crappy windows & no insulation. I'm going to be spending Dahlia's college fund just to heat the place! Ugh. I'm going slightly nuts as we haven't really been able to get out the past couple of days. I need some adult conversation, change of scenery & stimulation. I'm hoping tomorrow the weather will be better but it doesn't sound like it will be *MUCH* better. I long for the days when I can take her for a stroller ride around the block. Something - anything! Different! I'm going nuts here! We did pop out briefly tonight to visit Steve's Great Aunt at a hospice house here in Duluth. It thrilled her that we stopped to visit and that makes me feel warm & fuzzy inside - even if it was only -10 outside. Tomorrow I have a work meeting (at a bar! nice!...

This past weekend was great. My folks got into town around noonish on Friday and came over. My Mom brought FOOD! and supplies! It was awesome. Friday afternoon my Mom & I ran some errands while Dahlia & Grandpa hung out at the house. That night my Mom cooked us enchiladas for dinner while I napped (!) (well, I tried to nap...). Saturday they came over again and watched the little Miss while Steve & I went skiing! I went skiing! I got outside & raised my heart rate & breathed fresh air - awesome! The trail (Piedmont) was in stellar condition and it was a lot of fun. I did wipe out once quite nicely though - doh. While we were gone my Mom dusted (!!) the living & dining room and cleaned the microwave (my microwave is always not clean enough for my Mom!). That evening she cooked again - spaghetti pizza while Steve put together our new shelves in the basement and my Dad was on Dahlia time. Oh I forgot - before dinner my Mom & I went shopping. I got some new NON ...

Well, yesterday marked 6 weeks. 6 weeks of Dahlia's life, 6 weeks of adjusting to parenthood, 6 weeks of stressing about breastfeeding.... I'm letting it go. I have given her what I can and now it's time to step back and not feel guilty about stopping it altogether. Between the nursing (where she's really just comfort sucking), the bottle feeding, the pumping and the stressing it was beginning to consume my life and I need to let it go. I need to not feel guilty about wanting to regain some sanity and some time. I am sad. This is something I really truly deeply wanted and it pains me but at the same time I know I cannot continue like this. I'm trying to make peace with myself and know that Dahlia got some good stuff from me and hopefully that will lay a good foundation for her for her whole life. I did what I could.

Last night we had some visitors. Chevra & Candice - both lovely ladies who I used to work with at Michelina's, stopped by to meet Dahlia. Dahlia was on her best behavior and even got dressed in a new outfit for her company. Well, she got dressed in her "going home from the hospital" outfit which now fits her a little better (I'll post comparison shots). Then my friend Tanya stopped by as her daughter was at ballet a block away from my house. It was nice to have some company - especially since Steve was at a meeting. Little breaks in my day mean the world to me. Today we were supposed to run some errands...however it is -16 right now and that just seems a little cold to take her out in. Hmph.

I'll blog about something other than Dahlia, my lack of sleep or well, something other than those two. Until then... last night was tough. The Little Miss didn't want to settle down after her 2am feeding. Steve finally gave up and left her to fuss w/her rainfall soother on but that didn't help. I ended up pulling her into bed with me around 3:45 or so so I could just put her nuk back in her mouth if she started fussing without having to give up. I'm sure all of those above statements constitute bad parenting. Ah well - we live and learn. We finally got some sleep this morning for an hour or so after Steve went to work. I felt bad for him. Out snowshoeing through deep snow in frigid cold off trail all day yesterday (working) and then up for most of the night. Today's been up & down mentally. Sometimes I dig it - sometimes I hate it. I go back and forth. I did manage a shower, to throw in laundry and eat 1/2 a lunch. haha. Dahlia's in her "peanut shell...

We are at the office today! Just for a little bit. I am a paranoid new momma with a very spitty-uppy-mini-baby and wanted to take her to the clinic to get weighed. (she weighs in now at 7lbs 1oz!!!! that's an ounce a day since last week - yay!!!!) She is also 20 3/4" 'tall' - whohooo!. Anyway - since the clinic parking ramp is where I will park when I'm "working" with her and since the stroller for the infant seat finally came and I put it together today and since I'm trying to DO THINGS to get out of the house as to not lose my mind.....I decided to come to work! The parking/stroller/skywalk situation works great - even when it's chilly out. I can enter the skywalk very close to where I park, go through the Sheraton and then only have to cross the street (twice, my building is kitty-corner) and voila! I'm inside again. It wasn't too bad now that it "warmed up" today. So, we showed Miss Dahlia off to the ladies that were in the b...

I'm stopping the Reglan. I think it is making me depressed and it is not helping to increase my milk supply. It's also doing funky things to my GI tract which is lame so I'm done. I might try fenugreek again, or I might not. We'll see. I hope (?) that it's the Reglan making me depressed and that will go away. I feel that I'm exhibiting all the characteristics of depression (loss of appetite, malaise, not connecting with my baby as I should be, sadness) and it's scary. I want it to go away. I want to be filled with rainbows and butterflies and all the good stuff that comes with a new baby. This is scary and I don't like it one bit.

Amazing but true. Steve, Dahlia & I went next door to Dustin & Anna's (hi Anna!) for this month's edition of Stitch & Bitch. There were lots of ladies there and a few gents too and it was fantabulous to get out of the house, converse with adults, drink a glass of wine (oh how I love the wildflower) and knit. I thought surely I had forgotten how. We were only there for a couple hours at most but it was great. Dahlia was perfectly behaved and it was great to get out of the house. Also yesterday my friend Julie from my college days stopped by. She's a Mom too and has been helping me via IM cope with some of my mothering issues. She brought a cute blanket & socks for Dahlia and a bag of snacks (mostly containing oatmeal - it's supposed to increase milk supply!) for me. It was great to have a break in the day too. Today has been quieter but I did get to take a nap which was fabulous. I also threw in a load of laundry & beef stew into the crockpot. I'm...

The appointments went fine yesterday. My 4-week PP appt was not all that exciting except (TMI for some) still dealing with a stubborn stitch and some swelling. Dang. I was hoping everything was done and over with down there. Nope. *sigh* 2-hour Glucose Test was a pain in my ass. I better pass it!! Dahlia's appointment was fine - they prescribed her some some Zantac which we started giving her last night. Not sure if it's working or not yet but we'll see. I hope so! She now weighs 6lbs 10oz which still lands her at the bottom of the curve but I'm glad she's gaining! That's one of the big stressors for me right now! Got a little more sleep last night...mostly while nursing her - we'd both fall asleep and wake up a LOT later. Duh...wish I could be laying down for that! (and no the laying down nursing position doesn't work too well for us...we tried! dang).

Been up since 2:35am... this is going to be a great day.