02-24-05

I found this amongst my "journal" writings today....

Isn’t there more than this? Shouldn’t I be doing something else? I’m getting very sick and tired of feeling this way. Am I a productive member of society? Am I making a difference in this world? Am I just scraping by? What am I supposed to be doing? I get up every morning and go to work and contemplate what the hell I’m supposed to e doing with my life. I don’t think it’s this. And I don’t like coming off crabby and depressed to my friends or to Steve. Steve is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I’m extremely happy and grateful that he came into my life. But the rest of my life? Pffft. What the fuck? I never thought that I would end up in this position. Can’t I have a ‘job’ which I love and which I want to spring out of bed every day for and at the end of it all I will have changed someone’s life or affected people in a positive way? Ack.

I can't believe I'm about to get that "job" and hopefully start affecting people in a positive way! Amazing.

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