Naturally Optimistic

I just found out I failed my 3-hour glucose tolerance test. So I have GD. Pisser.

Please send Steve your good vibes....he's in an interview right now for a job that would KICK ASS for him. It's a long process with many steps and he's in the middle of it (it involved testing, an assignment, an interview, field work, etc). He's very nervous and although he prepped a lot and he knows his stuff, I just hope he's doing okay! AND it's his birthday! Wouldn't that be a good birthday present? Being able to kiss his current job goodbye? Heck ya!

I just saw a HUGE ASS pine tree being hauled down Superior Street...as in taking up both lanes of traffic and with a police escort. I guess that's the official Duluth Christmas tree! Can it be???

From the Triplets... ...and me....

Nor should you... After feeling like crap this morning and contemplating letting Steve know how truly upset I was with his asshole brother, I decided the only course of action was to email a couple girlfriends, take comfort from your comments on my post and then actually squeak out the words "I'm really upset..." to Steve when I was home at lunchtime. Boy did the floodgates open. I feel sort of bad about how totally hysterical I was but I couldn't help it. Those of you out there with the raging hormones probably are familiar with TOTAL CRAZY HEAD and that's what I was experiencing. I think Steve was surprised at how upset I was but I also think it was probably good that I let him know (for my sake, at least) and I feel better. I feel much better this afternoon and only had one additional follow up crying session when I relayed the story again to Jason. Hopefully the crazies (in my head) will leave me alone for a while and hopefully tonight I will get some sleep.

I'm in a fragile state today (as previously posted) and just have been on the verge all day. This was not helped by the fact that we watched a show on Nostradamus during dinner at Steve's Dad's house tonight (oh and how I love eating in front of the TV....). Basically the end of the world is coming and what am I THINKING bringing a child into this? Yeah, so that was making me choke back tears and then, my so incredibly thoughtful and caring BIL says to me "what if your baby is the next Hitler?" I didn't know whether to burst into tears or to stick my fork in his eye (I was in the "back row" (It's a very weird set up) so I couldn't get to him in time through all the tv trays - he was lucky). WHO SAYS THAT TO ANYONE? I excused myself shortly after that lovely comment and came home. I'm tried, I'm an emotional & hormonal wreck today and I sobbed my eyes out all the way home. I am just overwhelmed at the moment. I am going to bed beca...

Slight panic attack happening here...started with something having to do with my nipples (that should up the search engine responses) and ended with me freaking out about my baby not liking me. Ah, it's going to be a good day, I can tell already.

I had a baby shower today! It was so much fun. Steve's Aunt threw it for me & Baby B. There were good friends & family there, lots of yummy things to eat and cute baby things too. A couple of difficult games (!) and the unsettling realization a couple times (internally) that this was a baby shower FOR ME! Weird. The Chick Pea was showered with many very useful gifts - from a diaper pail full of diapering necessities (thanks, Mom!) to a fabulous glider for rocking & nursing (thanks MIL & FIL, SIL, et al) to cute things for the nursery. I am feeling so much more in the mood to get things squared away in the baby's room now. Eeeek! My friend Sarah came up yesterday to hang out and she helped me clear out the last few things from the baby's room. Now we just need to put the molding up and remove a bookshelf. I feel like we're on the right path (lots still to be done, but the right path nonetheless). We had a good time hanging out - we talked a lot, went for ...

Yesterday was gorgeous (as was today) and Steve & I decided to go for a walk. Well, he wanted to do some trail maintenance on his adopted section of the Superior Hiking Trail and I was more up for a "stroll." So...we went to Hartley Nature Center together. I dropped him off at one end of the park. And I parked at the other end. I spent the next hour strolling at my own pace on flat trails taking lots of pictures; while Steve cleared sections of his trail and put up new "foot traffic only signs." It was nice to be out, exercising in the fresh air. But I do miss actually HIKING with my husband.

My honey has requested this for his b-day cake this year....anyone got any recipe ideas? This is the kind of bundt cake with the pudding tunnel inside.... Hmmmm.....

In the past week I have noticed (it seems to me, at least) a lot of growth. More belly, more pains (I'm such a whiner, I know), more trouble rolling out of bed and/or finding a comfortable position to sleep in (if I sleep on the recommended left side, Baby B FREAKS OUT and will have none of it - as that's also his/her side almost exclusively - so that leaves me with sleeping on my right side almost exclusively- ugh). I am also hungrier! I thought my pre-GTT diet was low carbs - but actually it's CARB RICH! I guess I've never paid much attention to those buggers before but there are plenty of carbs to go around. :) Yay! I am *supposed* to eat 300g of carbs a day (see, I'm clueless with what a healthy carb intake is, I guess) and yesterday I managed approximately 299g which I thought was pretty damn good. (again, I just hope I pass my test).

Finished! The Triplet Baby Blankets...as of last week. These are the last two...the yellow is for Joshua and the green for George. I dragged Steve into a fabric store in Minneapolis with me yesterday. He was a good sport. I tried to make it interactive "ooh - I like this fabric, can you find one that matches in blue....etc" which worked for a while... It was so fun to be in a store with SELECTION. I was nearly freaking out. I spent a lot of money there...but I could easily spend that much every week! I have many Christmas projects to work on...you just might end up with these fabrics under your tree...... You never know.

The belly grows daily and is starting to amaze me. I think in the last week it's really "popped out" as it just seems huge (to me) and it's the first time random strangers have remarked on my pregnancy. My family this weekend (at the triplets baptism - OH MY GOD - SO CUTE) declared that there's no way I will go 2 more months. We'll see about that! I hurt - now walking hurts, quite a bit. Everything's sore. Standing, sitting, walking - it's all becoming less fun. *sigh* And the hormones are reemerging (did they ever leave?) and I'm getting weepy. Just now I cried at an episode I'D ALREADY SEEN of "Tori & Dean Inn Love" - yes, I happen to watch that show. Which surprises even me....but it was the season finale of the first season...where Tori goes into labor and gives birth to her son. Puddle, puddle, puddle. I am so lame.

Do you even feel like the weight of the world is sitting on your pelvis? Because I do. Yeouch.

I am getting fed up. Fed up with people who "commit" to something only then to flake out. When I say I'll do something - whether it's social, volunteer, work-related, etc I stick to it. If I absolutely can't keep my commitment because of something that happens I TELL whoever it is that I have committed to that I won't be able to do it, make it, etc. People are flaky. I know this. I know that my little life - social, creative, business, etc is only the most important TO ME but still - come on. If you're going to flake out on me, at least have the balls to tell me. Don't make me beg for you to REcommit at the last minute. I'm just sick of it.

Way too busy....working, editing some campaign stuff for our mayoral race (re-doing I should say...), calling people, calling people back, emailing people, being happy about certain things working out, getting seriously irritated that some people are flaking out, having meetings, doing more editing, learning that I'm an idiot, knitting (I seriously needed a break), dealing with crabby people (including me), taking MariAnna to a play (Winnie the Pooh), eating dinner WAY too late and now I'm ready for bed. OH and I got some amazing and wonderful and exciting news...but that is top secret. :) Baby B is unfazed.....of course..... ;) Time for this evening's "dance party." GOOD NIGHT!

I'm a participant in the Modern Letter Project and on their site a while back I noticed a "make your own envelopes out of recycled materials" tutorial. So, while my never-ending crap clean-out continues at home, I discovered a couple of beautiful calendars that I've been carrying with me (from home to home) for the past 7 or 8 years (!). I loved these photos but didn't know what to do with them....so I decided to make envelopes out of them. I tried the tutorial first, but I didn't like it. I didn't have any control over the size and the angles and that bugged me. So, I undid a standard "card envelope" that I use frequently for the greeting cards that I make, and made my own template from that. I then sat down and made envelopes out of 2 years + worth of calendar art. I think they turned out really nicely and I can't wait to use them! AND I got rid of more crap in the process...okay - mostly the crap just changed shape and moved locations, bu...

28 weeks and counting. Third Tri-Mester here I come! Last night Steve finally caught some visuals of the amazing belly dance - he was quite surprised & shocked and how much movement he could see. He decided to listen in for a bit and said he could hear lots of thumping and swishing. And then - BAM he took a kick right to the ear. Apparently Baby B doesn't like being eavesdropped upon....

Last night I made another new recipe. It's from Raesha's site and she got it from Dawn whom I don't know but I thought the recipe sounded good so we went with it! Steve loved it and I thought it was pretty good. I'm not a huge salsa fan (ie: I don't like peppers -YUCK) but I'm trying REALLY HARD to make things that are more interesting for dinner and not just to my bland taste buds. Plus I'd like to expand my palate a bit - even if it's one little onion flake at a time. I made homemade corn bread to accompany and we added our tortilla chips & cheese just before eating it (so it was crunchy!) instead of cooking for a couple minutes after the chips were added. We also used some sour cream on the side and it was a very good dinner. Another new recipe for the rotation - whohooo!

Here is the recipe for the pumpkin lasagne from earlier this week. It's from www.foodandwine.com - but when I searched there again, it came up with nothing...go figure... Ingredients: 2 Tablespoons olive oil 2 onions, chopped (I used about 3/4 of one onion....I'm not a HUGE fan...) 2 lbs Swiss Chard, tough stems removed, leaves washed well & chopped (I couldn't find Swiss Chard at my Cub so instead I used Spinach. It worked just fine) 2 1/4 teaspoons salt 1 teaspoon fresh-ground black pepper 1 teaspoon dried sage 1/2 teaspoon grated nutmeg (I used the kind from my spice rack) 3 cups canned pumpkin puree 1 1/2 cups heavy cream 1 1/2 cups grated Parmesan 1/2 cup milk 9 no-boil lasagna noodles 1 tablespoon butter 1. In a large nonstick frying pan, heat the oil over moderately low heat. Add the onions and cook, stirring occasionally, until translucent, about 5 minutes. Increase the heat to moderately high and add the chard (or spinach), 1 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon pepper...

I ordered this cape yesterday because 1) it was on sale and 2) I'm already cold and it's only October in Minnesota and 3) my winter jacket already doesn't really zip up. Hopefully this will keep me somewhat warm through the last trimester and hey - maybe I can wear it afterwards (at least for a while) too. I feel sort of dorky about getting a CAPE but I don't know. Maybe I'll be able to pull it off with the Chick Pea's help. We shall see.....

Eh, last night's shoot didn't go that well. It was a quick little funny scene but sometimes with this mockumentary style, if you don't get it right away it's never going to happen. The problem with last night was we had a really good take early on in the evening....but the camera work was a little off (we could've dealt with it). Our cameraman (who is such an incredibly hard worker & really a great guy) thought that because Jason didn't like the camera work, it was a take that could be deleted from the P2 card that we were shooting on. When this was discovered after an hour of "not getting it" again, all hell broke loose and let's just say some director-types were less than pleased. The volcano still spews this morning. *sigh* I really could still be in bed.

The shoot last night went very well. I thought it was going to go BADLY because I was such a spazz/freakazoid before leaving home. I was trying to cook the pumpkin lasagna, get everything ready (for me), clean off the kitchen table, get ALL the dishes done, etc etc...and things weren't going my way. I kept dropping dishes (I thought one of the beautiful Fiesta Ware plates broke, but it didn't...just an onion skin stuck to it), I cut my finger pretty bloodily on the apple slicer, Jason kept calling me asking for technical support (I'm not good at that over the phone) and I was running late. Hmph. But I chilled out on my 20 minute drive up the shore and found everything & everybody to be in good spirits and ready to go. The Scenic Cafe is awesome. Steve & I have eaten there before and we enjoy it. They have a unique and varied menu - the presentation is half the fun of the food - a stellar wine list, excellent desserts and in the summer a beautiful garden that you ca...

In my neverending quest to clean out our house I've decided it's time to let Martha go. I have a box of VERY HEAVY MSL mags (some dating back to '96!) that has been moved with me from Duluth to Hollywood back to Duluth and it's beginning to seem unnecessary to me. I don't look at them, I can't enjoy them, I can't move the box they're in! So, I'm going through each one and tearing out each page that I want - whether it's recipes, craft projects, decorating ideas, tips or just pretty pictures. I'm finding that I can recycle about 90% of each magazine and everything that I actually MIGHT use is going into a binder. I thought it would be harder, but it's been a lot of fun actually, and I'm excited to be re-inspired by some ideas. This is a big step for Miss Pack Rat Carrie!!

This week we're trying menu planning. I am so sick to death of the dreaded question "So what do you feel like for dinner tonight?" I could scream. I can't take it any more! I also can't take going to the grocery store 3 or 4 times a week because we can't decide what we want for dinner until RIGHT before we eat. So....I made a menu: Sunday - Sammy's Pizza (I was craving it!) Monday - Pumpkin Lasagne Tuesday - leftovers Wednesday - Taco Torilla dish (from Raesha's website) Thursday - leftovers Friday - I'm gone so....dinner on our own I know this is pretty simple because we can have leftovers for 2 dinners and we're eating out one, but I feel good. It's a start. Tonight's dinner - pumpkin lasagne - was quite good. Steve really liked it and I think I did too. I pretty much love pumpkin ANYTHING so...there ya go. Hopefully we'll be able to have more variety in our meals and less running to the store last minute. God, I hope so.

...for a couple more locations that couldn't be secured for this weekend. It should be pretty low-impact and easy. I hope so! So far it's been going well. I'd hate to jinx things. Tonight we are shooting a restaurant scene at the Scenic Cafe up the shore. What a perfect excuse to drive up the shore aways and eat some tasty food. I only wish I could sample some wines. *sigh*

We had so much fun today. We toured the Tribal Center/Community Center; we laughed our asses off with the Natural Resources dept (that sounds weird, but it's true); we witnessed a nasty car accident (that wasn't so fun); we "played" poker & black jack at the casino with fake money (I won a hand of poker with a 2 & a 3 - ha! How's that for bluffing?!?); we played some slots; we ate at the buffet; we got really cool casino interiors that I'm a little TOO excited about. On days like today I really love my job.

We're off to shoot on the Reservation this morning - Tribal Center, Community Center, Natural Resources Dept and the Casino. It should be a fun shoot and I'm looking forward to it. I'm just so pleased with myself that I kept on persisting and got everything set up. It's something I'm trying to be better at - making those phone calls I most definitely don't want to make and filling my "producer" shoes as I should be instead of putting things off til the last minute and then stressing out because we don't have and can't get what we need.

I still have the damn crick in my shoulder/neck and it's really irritating me. My husband is camping (no massage there), my cat doesn't "get" the whole 'massage my shoulder' request that I give to him, and I'm afraid that using the back massager too much will jolt the baby loose - gah! I keep thinking that long hot showers will help, but it hasn't really yet/so far. Hmmmmm. I hope that one morning (soon)I'll just wake up and it'll be gone. In other news - there was a SERIOUS dance party going on in my belly last night. I was amazed and almost freaked out. This was the first time I could SEE everything on my skin from the outside. It was startling. Both the sight of it and the feeling. Again Beavis couldn't give a rat's ass and Steve was gone so I had no one to share with. It was cool, but I couldn't help but thinking, damn, this is like an alien trying to get out of my stomach! Weird. Weird. Weird. There were a few little movements ...

I failed my 1-hour glucose tolerance test - DANG. I get to have the 3 hour test before my Oct 26 appointment. Whohoo. Now off to do some research on Gestational diabetes....hopefully I won't need it.

I spent some time last night thinking about this....how do I see myself? How do others see me? And in the same vein how do I look at others and am I seeing what they are portraying, or what my preconceived notion is or a combination? Are they showing their real selves? Am I? I think what prompted this thought party was when a friend of mine told me that she always thought of me has her hip & trendy (or something to that effect) friend and now I'm about to become a mother. I jokingly replied well all that's out the window then. It got me thinking though - never in a million years would I consider myself "hip & trendy" but at the same time I don't think my innate personality or style will change once the Chick Pea makes his/her arrival. I think I am a dorky, silly, caring, thoughtful, loyal, creative person. Often feeling on the outside looking in, but trying to just do my own thing and being okay with that. My friend who sparked these thoughts in my head is...

October Craftapalooza was a success! There were 6 of us all working on different projects - cards, scrapbooking, collage making, ribbon making, knitting, sketching. We ate wild rice soup, hummus, huge cookies, apples with apple dip, chicken wings & drummies and pumpkin cookies. I was a prolific card maker last night (13!) which was great and it was so much fun to sit and chat with everyone and take time to just be creative & productive. It is inspiring to get busy on my other projects and cross some more gifts off my "to-do" list.

This is me from this morning. Sometimes I cannot believe I continue to post pictures of my large white (but not flabby!...yet) belly on the internet for the world to see. *sigh* Ah well. There it is in all it's glory.

MMMMM! I could eat these babies right up!!

Oh my god, when I revisited and saw the ticker read "90 days" I had a slight heart attack. 90 days? that's how long receipts are good for 90 days, things expire in 90 days, money-back guarantees are for 90 days - 90 days is NOTHING. Okay - back to work.

I had a doc's appt yesterday. Mostly everything is good although my doctor wants to do a follow up ultrasound because there was some size discrepancy between Baby's head and belly. She told me to "not worry" she's just anal but YUP that makes me worried. Not *too* worried but still...On the upside I get to take another peak at my little one, which is cool. 27 weeks yesterday. OH MY GOD. I did the fabulous glucose tolerance test yesterday. It wasn't bad at all. Just a lot to drink quickly which I'm not that good at. I had the orange stuff too (like Sarah ) and it was slightly chilled (unlike my sister's) so it wasn't a big deal. The hardest part was to NOT have OJ before my appointment. I also got my first Rogam shot. Whohooo! Nothing like a big needle in the behind to start my week. Fortunately I had forgotten about it so I didn't have time to get myself all worked up over it. It wasn't a big deal - anticipation for me is the worst part so ...

I should simply NOT be allowed to read " birth stories " right now (inmydelicatestate)as they leave me in puddles. *sigh* Good puddles.

9:22pm on a Friday night and Steve & I are getting ready for bed. We are so getting into this no-life routine. haha g'night!

And no, I'm not talking about Survivor here. We have been formally granted permission to shoot on the Fond du Lac Reservation for our current film - yahoo! This has been a long & slow process but after 2 months, the Council has met and given us their blessing. That is such a HUGE relief to me. Cross another thing off my massive to-do list. Of course today's shoot - which involved lovely fall exteriors has to be canceled due to it being SO INCREDIBLY crappy out (windy, rainy, blech). Ah well, we'll take what we can get!

Do you ever just feel boring, fat, gross, ugly, lame, unmotivated and a bit well, bleh? Mostly I'm feeling the first 4 adjectives today but a little of the others as well. Something about "going through the motions" or some such. I'm not 'down & out' feeling as I have been in the past more just...."ugh, what am I doing and why" feeling. Hmmmm. In other news - my husband built shelves in his new closet! whohoo! We are getting somewhere. I also went through our wedding "memorabilia" last night and recycled oodles of extra programs, etc so now down from two small bags to one. Baby steps, my friends, Baby steps.

Here they are - the latest & greatest belly shots. I really should "fix up" (as my mother would say) before taking these photos because MY GOD I mostly just look like ass. It also appears that the baby has usurped any territory which was once my butt! Weird. This leads people to tell me that "it's a boy" - however I'm eating sweets like crazy (mostly grapes & ice cream) and the heart rate is always about 154 which then people tell me "it's definitely a girl" so - I guess we're still clueless. 96 days and counting!!! EEEEEK!

Okay - I'm trying to wrap my head around the "baby gear" thing and I'm not getting very far. There are a few things that I know we need/want and those specifics I can figure out. There are some things we have, some things we're getting as hand-me-downs from family & friends and then there is.... THE STROLLER/CAR SEAT Neither Steve nor I are big fans of the HUGE STROLLER syndrome that sweeps the nation. We're both kind of smallish people and drive smallish cars and I can't imagine trying to get one of those monostrosities in my vehicle. Then again the stroller we think we really want is more like this: But then what to do about the car seat conundrum? Do you buy a separate car seat (which hopefully can go from infant to toddler in convertible style so you don't have to buy something new every 6 months)? Or do you bite the bullet and buy the "travel system" to have the infant car seat/carrier and THEN the convertible car seat/booster for ...

We had a couple good production days this weekend even though the weather didn't cooperate 100%. On Saturday we shot on some land at a "friend of a friend's" - that does some target shooting - exactly what we needed! It's a unique place with a hillside waterfall thing, a cinder block "castle," a lake, lots of guns (!) and gargoyles. Don't worry - they shot blanks. And we all wore hearing protection.