Letting it Go

Well, yesterday marked 6 weeks. 6 weeks of Dahlia's life, 6 weeks of adjusting to parenthood, 6 weeks of stressing about breastfeeding....

I'm letting it go.

I have given her what I can and now it's time to step back and not feel guilty about stopping it altogether. Between the nursing (where she's really just comfort sucking), the bottle feeding, the pumping and the stressing it was beginning to consume my life and I need to let it go.

I need to not feel guilty about wanting to regain some sanity and some time.

I am sad. This is something I really truly deeply wanted and it pains me but at the same time I know I cannot continue like this. I'm trying to make peace with myself and know that Dahlia got some good stuff from me and hopefully that will lay a good foundation for her for her whole life. I did what I could.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I was not able to breastfeed for a different reason straight from the beginning. You feel a lot of guilt, but you have to remember that tons of kids are not breastfed and they grow up just fine! What is important is that you are feeling good to give her the love and attention that she needs. Don't stress about it. She will thrive with formula. She will be fine, and you will too!
11:25 AM
Cellomama said…
Carrie - you have to make the best decision for you. Dahlia needs a happy mama more than anything else. You've put up a valiant fight, but it's really OK to say, "Hey, this isn't working." Most of our generation was never breastfed at all, and we are plenty healthy. I really hope this allows you to get some more joy from your life again!
11:44 AM
Anonymous said…
Carrie, I am proud of you for making this tough call. I know how much you wanted it and I know how hard you tried. Sometimes things just don't work like you plan and that's the keystone of motherhood I think. Dahlia did get lots of good nutrients from you and lots of bonding. You can still give her bottles with your shirt off so you both get some wonderful skin to skin contact if that helps you feel closer to her.

There are many wonderful things about nursing but just think. Your body is all yours again! And you have a bit more freedom now that feeding isn't such a hassle for you.

Here's a hug. Now go do some tequila shots or something!
12:35 PM
K said…
Carrie - I too am proud of you for your persistence! You persevered when many others would have stopped. The time to stop nursing is different for everyone, but everyone EVENTUALLY stops, so the right time for you is 6 weeks. Just like different babies start solid foods at different times, but eventually almost everyone eats solids! There is no PERFECT system. ;)

I hope this gives you some time to yourself and less stress. Good for you for making the best decision for your family. Dahlia will thrive because she has a mom who has a good head on her shoulders! HUGS. :)
1:09 PM
Nanette said…
I'm not a mommy yet but I applaud your efforts. You certainly can't say you didn't try! :)
3:08 PM
Sarita said…
I'm sorry, because I know what a tough decision this was for you. I've also seen that you are a mom who will work her tail off to make sure her baby has the best AND is so in tune with herself, she knows how to takes good care of herself as well. You are a great role model for your daughter. You made it way longer than I ever would have.

I agree, go celebrate with something alcoholic!
6:16 PM
Test said…
Amen to all who have posted already! You are doing a WONDERFUL job. Stuff like this will happen but it doesn't make you a bad parent. You and Ms. D will now be able to spend time together not stressing about food.

I hope you had a nice margarita :)
8:59 PM
kmd said…
You have very wise and loving friends. Sending you hugs!
9:12 AM
Meigan said…
I'm so glad you made this decision! Dahlia is going to be a healthy, happy baby on formula. I actually get pretty mad at the pressure to breastfeed; I know it's important for antibodies etc. but it's just one small part of keeping your baby healthy & happy. I've told you before that my Natalie was is SO happy & healthy & really no different than Gillian, who had 5 months of breastfeeding.

Enjoy all the positives of this decision & don't think of the negatives. You have so much to look forward to in raising this sweet little girl!!!

Now get to posting more pictures of that cutie pie!
10:51 PM
African Kelli said…
Pretty sure you are already one of the best moms out there C. Good for you for cutting yourself some slack!
10:21 AM
feisty said…
congrats for making it 6 weeks.

no guilt. do not let anyone guilt you. only you know what is right for you and dahlia.
11:52 AM
Raesha D said…
I totally second every comment - you gave it your all and tried your best. Sometimes we can't make our bodies cooperate no matter how hard we try. To me it doesn't matter is Dahlia is fed from breast or bottle as long as she is fed with LOVE from both you and your husband.
Can you email me your address - I have a little something to send you.
7:44 PM
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