Loss
I lost a friend. On Friday. 3:20pm in the afternoon. Pacific Standard Time. I didn’t know. I was already at home from work for the day and on to the next thing. I wasn’t aware. I didn’t know.
On Saturday night I logged on to my work email just….I don’t know why. I never have anything of importance but I did this time. It was after 10pm, 3-margaritas into the night and there I sat, sobbing at my computer. The last update had come in. The last breath had been breathed. She was gone.
My friend S used to be my boss. She was only a few years older than me (4, to be precise) and she was fantastic. She was English and I can still hear her accent and the sound of her laugh and the way we said daaaaaahlin in pure affected-ness. She was super stylish and beautiful and sweet and easy-going. She was a pleasure to work with.
She was also my friend…she & her husband kindly let us shoot our first film in their house; they even donned costumes when asked to be apart of things. They were there for celebrations and the occasional cocktail and just to listen, to understand.
She had cancer. Evil, evil cancer. She had melanoma 5+ years ago – a patch of skin on her neck which was removed and never heard from again. And then this February excruciating back pain…and the cancer was back. And it invaded. It was aggressive and wouldn’t let go. It wouldn’t be thwarted by drugs. Surgery was not possible. Time was the enemy.
In a way I was lucky because I was not there to see her body deteriorate and leave her behind. I can and will always remember my friend as the healthy, happy vibrant human being that I knew. The only bad thing about that is is that it is completely unbelievable to me.
I have cried, I have wondered WHY, I have talked with my friend who was extremely close to her, I have emailed her grieving husband, I have prayed and I have dreamed. I dreamt of her both nights – such wonderful, comforting dreams…it’s a little crazy but makes me feel better on some level.
She is survived by her husband of 10 years, her daughter (aged 2 ½), her parents, her siblings and countless friends & extended family. She was a peach, truly and will be forever missed.
On Saturday night I logged on to my work email just….I don’t know why. I never have anything of importance but I did this time. It was after 10pm, 3-margaritas into the night and there I sat, sobbing at my computer. The last update had come in. The last breath had been breathed. She was gone.
My friend S used to be my boss. She was only a few years older than me (4, to be precise) and she was fantastic. She was English and I can still hear her accent and the sound of her laugh and the way we said daaaaaahlin in pure affected-ness. She was super stylish and beautiful and sweet and easy-going. She was a pleasure to work with.
She was also my friend…she & her husband kindly let us shoot our first film in their house; they even donned costumes when asked to be apart of things. They were there for celebrations and the occasional cocktail and just to listen, to understand.
She had cancer. Evil, evil cancer. She had melanoma 5+ years ago – a patch of skin on her neck which was removed and never heard from again. And then this February excruciating back pain…and the cancer was back. And it invaded. It was aggressive and wouldn’t let go. It wouldn’t be thwarted by drugs. Surgery was not possible. Time was the enemy.
In a way I was lucky because I was not there to see her body deteriorate and leave her behind. I can and will always remember my friend as the healthy, happy vibrant human being that I knew. The only bad thing about that is is that it is completely unbelievable to me.
I have cried, I have wondered WHY, I have talked with my friend who was extremely close to her, I have emailed her grieving husband, I have prayed and I have dreamed. I dreamt of her both nights – such wonderful, comforting dreams…it’s a little crazy but makes me feel better on some level.
She is survived by her husband of 10 years, her daughter (aged 2 ½), her parents, her siblings and countless friends & extended family. She was a peach, truly and will be forever missed.
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