The Hard Truth
My folks are going over to my Grandparent's house tonight. My grandparents who are in the 80's and adorable. They live in a "retirement" complex right now but their both "declining' as they say as the years pass and it is getting close to the time for a change.
My Grandpa (adorable, did I mention that?) has Parkinson's and "sundowner's" syndrome (not sure if that is real or just what they call it) where he's quite confused in the morning and at night. He does odd things, loses things, can't find the bathroom in their townhouse, etc. My Grandma (also adorable...did I mention that?) gets frustrated and depressed because they can't go out as much as they used to and it's hard on her running everything, doing most everything these days. Up until a couple of years ago - she'd never even filled the car with gas (ah, it was a different time).
There is a "care center" near my parent's house. It is really nice. There are private rooms and it's not all hospitally. My Grandpa goes there now 3 days a week to day care (saying that breaks my heart) to give my Grandma a break. He likes it there (can't figure out why he's getting paid to go there and hang out with his buddies...he thinks it's his job...) . An opening just occurred. He's been on the waiting list for months. Decision time.
The truth is - it's probably too much for my Grandma to deal with - taking care of another person when you have a lot of problems of your own (carpal tunnel for one - recently repaired but still; catarachts for another - also recently repaired...but still). He's probably getting to the point in his life where he needs more caregivers just a mere 15 feet away from him. And my heart weeps.
I cannot imagine the conversation tonight that my parents will have with them. My parents telling them that maybe, after 64 1/2 years of living together that they should part ways and live in separate households, and sleep in separate beds and see each other only when they're visitng. I am weeping now because the thought of that truly breaks my heart aand I can't imagine anyone telling my parents that or telling Steve & I that. And I know it's a nice place, he'll have excellent care, he will be loved and looked after but it still just tears me up inside. Logically it's the thing to do but I haven't much used logic when it comes to emotional, family matters. I go with my heart not my head.
And so I'm so sad. So incredibly sad. I don't want them to hurt, I want them to live out their final years in the blissful idealistic fashion that I have created where they spend days on end doing things they enjoy together and dying wrapped in each others arms at the ripe old age of 115 in perfect health. I just can't imagine splitting the one into two.
I mourn. I grieve...and nothing's even happened yet!! They could very likely tell my Mother to f off (ha ha - just kidding my grandparents do not swear....EVER. The worse thing I've ever heard my Grandmother say is "ishkabibble" ) . On one hand - this care center is soooo nice and new and if they pass it up, it's likely they won't get another chance. The other "nursing homes" in town are not as nice, definitely not as new and would be 'strange' to him....my heart is so torn.
I can't stop thinking about all the nights I spent at their house (a mere 5 blocks from where we lived) - the popcorn in her funky handled popcorn bowls at night, watching the Tonight Show, waking up to grapenuts and toast w/jelly - stupid little things but they're mine. The games, the camping trips, the wrigley's juicy fruit gum. I just wish I could go back for a bit and enjoy it all a bit more.
Why does time have to move so fast?
My Grandpa (adorable, did I mention that?) has Parkinson's and "sundowner's" syndrome (not sure if that is real or just what they call it) where he's quite confused in the morning and at night. He does odd things, loses things, can't find the bathroom in their townhouse, etc. My Grandma (also adorable...did I mention that?) gets frustrated and depressed because they can't go out as much as they used to and it's hard on her running everything, doing most everything these days. Up until a couple of years ago - she'd never even filled the car with gas (ah, it was a different time).
There is a "care center" near my parent's house. It is really nice. There are private rooms and it's not all hospitally. My Grandpa goes there now 3 days a week to day care (saying that breaks my heart) to give my Grandma a break. He likes it there (can't figure out why he's getting paid to go there and hang out with his buddies...he thinks it's his job...) . An opening just occurred. He's been on the waiting list for months. Decision time.
The truth is - it's probably too much for my Grandma to deal with - taking care of another person when you have a lot of problems of your own (carpal tunnel for one - recently repaired but still; catarachts for another - also recently repaired...but still). He's probably getting to the point in his life where he needs more caregivers just a mere 15 feet away from him. And my heart weeps.
I cannot imagine the conversation tonight that my parents will have with them. My parents telling them that maybe, after 64 1/2 years of living together that they should part ways and live in separate households, and sleep in separate beds and see each other only when they're visitng. I am weeping now because the thought of that truly breaks my heart aand I can't imagine anyone telling my parents that or telling Steve & I that. And I know it's a nice place, he'll have excellent care, he will be loved and looked after but it still just tears me up inside. Logically it's the thing to do but I haven't much used logic when it comes to emotional, family matters. I go with my heart not my head.
And so I'm so sad. So incredibly sad. I don't want them to hurt, I want them to live out their final years in the blissful idealistic fashion that I have created where they spend days on end doing things they enjoy together and dying wrapped in each others arms at the ripe old age of 115 in perfect health. I just can't imagine splitting the one into two.
I mourn. I grieve...and nothing's even happened yet!! They could very likely tell my Mother to f off (ha ha - just kidding my grandparents do not swear....EVER. The worse thing I've ever heard my Grandmother say is "ishkabibble" ) . On one hand - this care center is soooo nice and new and if they pass it up, it's likely they won't get another chance. The other "nursing homes" in town are not as nice, definitely not as new and would be 'strange' to him....my heart is so torn.
I can't stop thinking about all the nights I spent at their house (a mere 5 blocks from where we lived) - the popcorn in her funky handled popcorn bowls at night, watching the Tonight Show, waking up to grapenuts and toast w/jelly - stupid little things but they're mine. The games, the camping trips, the wrigley's juicy fruit gum. I just wish I could go back for a bit and enjoy it all a bit more.
Why does time have to move so fast?
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