What to do...
What to do what to do – let’s lay it out…
I’m very flattered and my actor vanity is quite pleased that I was called to audition for this show. I don’t even have to go to auditions, I could go straight to callbacks which is very cool. I like the role and I feel like they’re basically offering it to me. I could be wrong but that’s how I feel.
I don’t want to give up all that time. If it was 4 weeks or even 6 weeks that would be one thing – but this is 10 weeks. 10 weeks!! The last time I worked on a show for 10 weeks I wanted to hang myself.
I already paid for a retreat w/my sister. This has been planned for many months and I’m looking forward to it. I could definitely use the $160 in my bank account IF I could find someone to take my place. If I can’t – I’m out the money and the weekend and that would suck royally.
I am dying to be on stage again. There I said it. I sort of envisioned a smaller show with a good (meatier?) role but I will take what I can get since I’m a wh o re for the stage! And this particular role isn’t bad – not at all. I quite enjoyed it the last time I played her.
If we get into a film festival (or two - there are 2 we’ve submitted to (re; money) that take place during that time) I would want to go. That being said – I cannot afford to go so maybe it’s better if I can’t go??? Does that make sense?
I had fought this fight with myself before about doing the show vs. not. I told Steve that I would help more with the house projects and really focus on that stuff this winter. He knows that theatre is important to me and said he would respect whatever decision I would make…but I feel bad. I think he felt stranded or abandoned when I did the last show and I don’t want him to feel like that again.
That being said – will I have time again this year to do another show? Probably not what with all the wedding hoo-ha that’ll be going on. Will there be more opportunities down the road? Yes, of course….Will I resent the fact that I’ve given up nights & possibly weekends? Or will I sit at home and cry and curse myself for not taking the opportunity to perform.
I have a Y membership which I can just barely afford and will I stop going if I don’t have any time? And then will that just be another waste of money? And what about the snowshoeing and x-country skiing? This production takes up the whole d*mn winter!!
I think I’m afraid that if I turn this down and don’t go tonight, they’ll never want me again. That is most likely a silly notion because…well, there isn’t that large of pool of people here. But still the fear is with me. Good lord. Shoot me now.
Comments
You seem to have some money/budget anxiety. Perhaps you could look at the different financial outcomes closely (if you take the rôle or if you don't) and see if you can't balance that with what you really want to do.
Reading between the lines I think you will be unhappy if you don't take the rôle, so prepare an idea of everything you gain by not taking it should you decide not to go for it.