10 Years

If I met the person I was 10 years ago….would I like her?

10 years ago I was living in the same town I am now…but I was filled with dreams, aspirations and this whole big emptiness in front of me called my future. I don’t mean it was empty it was a clean slate. I had so many possibilities and ideas and I knew enough but not everything. I didn’t worry bout “what I’d be doing in 10 years” because I figured I’d be doing something. It didn’t occur to me to worry about it! The future would take care of itself.
I was 21. I had just graduated college. My college roomie and I had just moved out of our non-descript cookie cutter apartment. We thought it would be a good idea to sub-let a really really crappy apartment from our friend who needed some help. Well, you know $175 a piece per month wasn’t that bad of a deal. My folks were once again shocked at my living quarters but ah well…it’s something they were used to by now.
I was dating a guy that I would end up dating and living with for a long time. It was still fun then – just hanging out on a few random weekends and the rest of the time enjoying a summer in Duluth. I had new “toys” from my recent college graduation – a new CD boom box and a sewing machine which kept me busy. I was working a couple jobs, I was hiking and camping and going to the beach – I was having fun and not having a care in the world!
I think I would’ve liked her. She was goofy and fun, energetic and always up to do something. She also was so full of optimism and a certain care-free nature…some of which has gotten lost along the way. It was before I gave up too much of myself to really have changed and after I had gained some life experience and maturity. There was nothing jaded, nothing scared, nothing outside of my reach.
A lot of water has passed under the bridge. 10 years worth. I’ve moved across country and back. I’ve gotten my heart broken more than once. I’ve worked in the professional world and I’ve traveled to Europe and Mexico. I realized I wasn’t doing what I wanted and moved back across the country. I grew up. I bought a new car. A house. I fell madly in love and am looking forward to whatever the future might hold. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up – but I do know that happiness can come in many forms. It can especially come in the little details of relationships, the quiet moments you spend with someone you love, the time you take to nurture your heart and soul and the ability to look back and appreciate that you have learned over the years. I feel that my path is shorter but it’s still full of opportunity and adventure. I just need to figure out where and how and what that is. In the meantime I have a sweetie to hug and I feel safe and lucky every night when I go to bed.

I hope I will like this self in another 10 years.