Naturally Optimistic

I'm feeling rather shitty today. Down in the dumps I guess. Not too fitting for someone who's blog is titled "naturally optimistic." I'm sure I'll get over it. But here's the thing - what is up with flakey friends? I’m very upset today. I’m so disappointed in my girlfriend…yes, that’s right. I have one locally. Okay 2 but barely. Twice this week she flaked on me. One of those “I’ll call you – yeah let’s get together at 8 to watch Mean Girls” and then nothing – no phone call, no emails, etc. So I call her…no one’s home. I leave a message….I call again 2 hours later…still no one home. I’m stuck in between totally annoyance and being worried. What if something has happened? What if some emergency has come up and I’m sitting here getting pissy about blown off plans. Well, today when J was at work he talked to Friend's Hubby and they “had a fabulous time down at Luce last night.” Apparently she was meeting a friend down there and they all went and hung o...

Yay!! As of 10:29 this morning (that's PST, btw) the film has been signed, sealed and delivered to the Sundance Film Festival office in Beverly Hills, CA. I think I'll go have a beer! :-)

The last time I submitted something to the Sundance Film Festival...it was a struggle. Deadlines kick you in your ass. No matter how much we seemed to prepare...the date loomed and when it arrived we weren't exactly ready. The deadline was on a Friday and still on Wednesday night there was much music mixing, dialogue mixing, smoothing out of effects and getting the cut to look at the very least "okay." We could've submitted a work-in-progress. That's accepted but we shunned the idea. NOT US! We will not submit anything before it's time....and looked down our noses at the thought. J was working all night with the other J on making everything just right...by Thursday morning I was typing up various "press kit" info - bios, cast lists, synopses, whatever they wanted but naturally troubles persisted through the day. The computer kept crashing, J2 ran out of smokes (and was getting married in less than 2 weeks - nope - no stress here!), the computer cr...

The end is near. One night left to work on the film. One night and it's done*. Eighteen months comes down to this. I *cough cough* stayed "home" from work yesterday to "recup" from illness. 14 hours later I came home - my brain melted from staring at the computer all day long. From watching progress bars SLOWLY fill up with the desired blue hue to tell me that my render was finished; searching desperately for scenes that were SUPPOSED to be mastered...and guess what? WEREN'T. 14 hours of eating "Barrel O' Fun" Kettle Korn and not having nearly enough diet coke. Tonight is the night. Will fix transitions, will change out old audio for newly sparkly fresh mixed audio - will make VHS....will be in bed before midnight hopefully... I don't hold out much hope for MAKING Sundance, but at least I'll make the deadline.... *done really doesn't mean "done." After this we will take a couple weeks off...then regroup to pu...

I just got finished reading this article in today's LA Times and man did it make me homesick for Los Angeles. I lived in L.A. for about 5 1/2 years. From November of 1996 to July of 2002. Throughout that time I never fell in love with the city...in fact I mostly disliked living there. It's funny how time colors things in a different light. As I read about the different shops, strip malls, signs, crumbling cinemas and more in the article, it made me realize how precious every moment is wherever you are. Sure I hated the traffic, the insane number of cars on the road, the masses of people, the non-openness of strangers (hey I'm from the midwest - I'm used to FRIENDLY), the expensive apartments, the expensive groceries, gas, movie ticket prices, tax on clothes, food, etc...there are a lot of things I miss. Having cocktails at Goldfingers - one of Hollywood's fine dives. Not wearing a jacket...ever. Well, mostly ever...but no winter coats that's for sure. ...

Well, a little progress was made last night. It’s always a slow start, even when I get there early. Very frustrating. We worked on finishing a couple of the 8mm scenes, listened (& critiqued) some of the new music R has created for a couple sequences. I also made a list of everything that has to be done by next Thursday. Ugh. My brain was a complete marshmallow by about 10:20. That wasn’t even 4 hours of work? What is wrong with me? On another front – our new mattress has come in – yipeee! The boy had to go out of town for work today – and I’m at work so unfortunately we will have to wait til Monday for delivery but that’s no big deal. We’re gone this weekend anyway so the official count of nights on the crappy bed is 2. Hallelujah! And just to be nice – the crappy bed gave us both a wonderful night of sleep, a snuggly kitty (Beavis) and a silent kitty (Iko) and no new cat pee in the basement! Yes! And on the third & final front…I’m depressed today…again about money. I ju...

In the beginning there is only an idea. A thought. A burbling up of unconscious naggings in the brain. “you should write that, shoot this, make it…” In the beginning the slate is clean, the pockets full (or at least not as empty as at the end), your brain is refreshed, the creative juices are flowing and you are ready to go. Like everything else in life…things change. We are now in month 18 of the fledgling film project entitled Newton’s Disease. Yep. 18 months. 18 months of planning, auditioning, stressing, begging for money, spending, planning some more, shooting, editing, stressing, auditioning more, more begging, crying, laughing, meeting incredible people, wanting to strangle (some) of said incredible people, editing, editing, editing and sitting down at the end of each day exhausted. Exhausted by the fact that that no matter how much you care about this project, it won’t make other people see it through your eyes. No matter how much you love it, caress...

I should’ve started a blog when I started producing this movie. Oh there would’ve been numerous horror stories about the blood, sweat and tears (all mine) that go into making an independent film. Mostly I’ve repressed the bad in an effort to protect my self from insanity. However, now I fear all that is left is craziness. Craziness of rushing towards a deadline when we know that we are not going to be able to complete a finished project. Craziness that comes from sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours during my day job and then another 4-5 hours while trying to finish the film (no wonder I have infiltrates in my eyes!!) Craziness that comes from being so close to completion that I can taste it…almost. *sigh* That being said this next week is going to be a b i tch. I do not have time to wash dishes, clean my sinks, sweep the kitchen floor, do laundry, mow the yard, read, hang out with the Boy, watch tv, surf the ‘net (well, at work I do but I’m blocked from so many g....

String cheese is hard to eat while driving. So is easy cheese. Miscommunication runs rampant even when everyone has a cell phone. I prefer pork chops to steak. I don’t care for public hot tubs. Hotels that don’t recycle are lame . Women + moustaches = not good & slightly frightening. Nothing tastes better than an ice cold beer on a hot sunny day. (well, maybe ice cream…) My cousins drink a lot of beer. Teeing off with a marshmallow is not as easy as it sounds. I love my 5 wood. I can make good shots when there’s no pressure. BJ gives excellent golfing advice. Cheesy potatoes are goooooooooood . My Dad is a superhero. I love the fact that my whole big crazy family gets together several times a year. Eating too much and feeling bloated for hours sucks ass. I don’t like gambling. I’m way too cheap. Spilling your entire glass of Diet Coke on the floor sucks! At least there were free refills. Driving home alone is a lot easier ...

It's days like today that I want to eat up. I want to savor every moment and bask in the fleeting sunshine. I went for a walk this afternoon during my lunchour instead of my normal trip home. It was heavenly and I found myself questioning why I don't do this daily instead of rushing off to do dishes, pay bills, clean the litter box....why don't I stroll across the bridge, pretend I'm a tourist for an hour, gaze out at the lake, sit in the sunshine and breathe in the fresh clean northland air instead? Well, mostly because the weather is only decent one out of 100 days...but today was delicious. I watched the sunlight tickle the ripples on the harbor, the seagulls circle overhead, the tourists asking for directions and deciding which boat cruise or tour to go on and it's Friday on top of it. What a lovely lunch hour. On a side note - I'm off to the "R--- Family Golf Classic" this weekend- should be fun...it usually is. A scramble of all of the...

Here is a good reason to listen to your mother, your boyfriend, your friends, your co-workers and everyone else who tells you to stop wearing old contacts and go to the eye doctor. It's called corneal neovascularization And it sucks. My eyes ache...well one in particular. I have some minor scarring and tiny blood vessels growing over my cornea (where they're not supposed to be) to try to deliver oxygen to my eyes. I guess wearing contacts for 16 hours or so a day is not recommended...at least not the kind that I had. So, I go back on Tuesday and hopefully I will have healed...at least a little bit! Right now I am going to STOP looking at a computer screen.

Well, summer has finally arrived in the Northland . Too bad it's 3 months too late. *sigh*

As I was sitting at my desk this morning – thinking ho-hum thoughts about my job, life, path etc it suddenly dawned on me to knock it off. I’m not one to get depressed or down too often (hence the blog name) but I do occasionally drift off into the land of melancholy for a few hours here and there…uncertain if the choices I’ve made in life have been correct, never being able to leave the "what am I waiting for" feelings behind and generally getting frustrated with my daily existence. Of course I feel those things. I think everyone does to some extent. And for those who don’t, I’m green with envy. Yes, I’m not happy with working a "day job." Unfortunately I am good at doing menial office tasks…typing, filing, answering phones, reports in excel, etc. I have a brain in my head and I like to get things done…and I’ve been doing this work now for about 7 years so I have some experience…which leads to quite good paying jobs and along with that the daily rut. Bu...