Naturally Optimistic

I don't know why I'm letting this get to me so much. Okay - I sort of know. I'm playing POOR ME. Woe is Me. Blah blah blah - I'm whining. I have a 3 hour doctor's appointment (again!) on Tuesday. That's when they find out my dark & mysterious medical history (um, isn't it in their computers?), give me a physical exam (um, haven't I been doing this for the past 7 1/2 months?), put me on a diet, etc. I'm anxious to go because I want to find out the particulars and what I can do to make sure it doesn't get worse. But I'm irritated. I have not quite gained 20lbs in this pregnancy thus far...which means with 9 1/2 weeks to go - let's say even a pound a week - 30lbs in a pregnancy is right in the middle of "normal" for someone of "normal" size to gain. I don't eat like a pig or a garbage can! I eat a lot of fruits & veggies, sure a lot of carbs too, and the sweets things has just recently kicked in (which is new ...

I just found out I failed my 3-hour glucose tolerance test. So I have GD. Pisser.

Please send Steve your good vibes....he's in an interview right now for a job that would KICK ASS for him. It's a long process with many steps and he's in the middle of it (it involved testing, an assignment, an interview, field work, etc). He's very nervous and although he prepped a lot and he knows his stuff, I just hope he's doing okay! AND it's his birthday! Wouldn't that be a good birthday present? Being able to kiss his current job goodbye? Heck ya!

I just saw a HUGE ASS pine tree being hauled down Superior Street...as in taking up both lanes of traffic and with a police escort. I guess that's the official Duluth Christmas tree! Can it be???

From the Triplets... ...and me....

Nor should you... After feeling like crap this morning and contemplating letting Steve know how truly upset I was with his asshole brother, I decided the only course of action was to email a couple girlfriends, take comfort from your comments on my post and then actually squeak out the words "I'm really upset..." to Steve when I was home at lunchtime. Boy did the floodgates open. I feel sort of bad about how totally hysterical I was but I couldn't help it. Those of you out there with the raging hormones probably are familiar with TOTAL CRAZY HEAD and that's what I was experiencing. I think Steve was surprised at how upset I was but I also think it was probably good that I let him know (for my sake, at least) and I feel better. I feel much better this afternoon and only had one additional follow up crying session when I relayed the story again to Jason. Hopefully the crazies (in my head) will leave me alone for a while and hopefully tonight I will get some sleep.

I'm in a fragile state today (as previously posted) and just have been on the verge all day. This was not helped by the fact that we watched a show on Nostradamus during dinner at Steve's Dad's house tonight (oh and how I love eating in front of the TV....). Basically the end of the world is coming and what am I THINKING bringing a child into this? Yeah, so that was making me choke back tears and then, my so incredibly thoughtful and caring BIL says to me "what if your baby is the next Hitler?" I didn't know whether to burst into tears or to stick my fork in his eye (I was in the "back row" (It's a very weird set up) so I couldn't get to him in time through all the tv trays - he was lucky). WHO SAYS THAT TO ANYONE? I excused myself shortly after that lovely comment and came home. I'm tried, I'm an emotional & hormonal wreck today and I sobbed my eyes out all the way home. I am just overwhelmed at the moment. I am going to bed beca...

Slight panic attack happening here...started with something having to do with my nipples (that should up the search engine responses) and ended with me freaking out about my baby not liking me. Ah, it's going to be a good day, I can tell already.

I had a baby shower today! It was so much fun. Steve's Aunt threw it for me & Baby B. There were good friends & family there, lots of yummy things to eat and cute baby things too. A couple of difficult games (!) and the unsettling realization a couple times (internally) that this was a baby shower FOR ME! Weird. The Chick Pea was showered with many very useful gifts - from a diaper pail full of diapering necessities (thanks, Mom!) to a fabulous glider for rocking & nursing (thanks MIL & FIL, SIL, et al) to cute things for the nursery. I am feeling so much more in the mood to get things squared away in the baby's room now. Eeeek! My friend Sarah came up yesterday to hang out and she helped me clear out the last few things from the baby's room. Now we just need to put the molding up and remove a bookshelf. I feel like we're on the right path (lots still to be done, but the right path nonetheless). We had a good time hanging out - we talked a lot, went for ...

Yesterday was gorgeous (as was today) and Steve & I decided to go for a walk. Well, he wanted to do some trail maintenance on his adopted section of the Superior Hiking Trail and I was more up for a "stroll." So...we went to Hartley Nature Center together. I dropped him off at one end of the park. And I parked at the other end. I spent the next hour strolling at my own pace on flat trails taking lots of pictures; while Steve cleared sections of his trail and put up new "foot traffic only signs." It was nice to be out, exercising in the fresh air. But I do miss actually HIKING with my husband.

My honey has requested this for his b-day cake this year....anyone got any recipe ideas? This is the kind of bundt cake with the pudding tunnel inside.... Hmmmm.....

In the past week I have noticed (it seems to me, at least) a lot of growth. More belly, more pains (I'm such a whiner, I know), more trouble rolling out of bed and/or finding a comfortable position to sleep in (if I sleep on the recommended left side, Baby B FREAKS OUT and will have none of it - as that's also his/her side almost exclusively - so that leaves me with sleeping on my right side almost exclusively- ugh). I am also hungrier! I thought my pre-GTT diet was low carbs - but actually it's CARB RICH! I guess I've never paid much attention to those buggers before but there are plenty of carbs to go around. :) Yay! I am *supposed* to eat 300g of carbs a day (see, I'm clueless with what a healthy carb intake is, I guess) and yesterday I managed approximately 299g which I thought was pretty damn good. (again, I just hope I pass my test).

Finished! The Triplet Baby Blankets...as of last week. These are the last two...the yellow is for Joshua and the green for George. I dragged Steve into a fabric store in Minneapolis with me yesterday. He was a good sport. I tried to make it interactive "ooh - I like this fabric, can you find one that matches in blue....etc" which worked for a while... It was so fun to be in a store with SELECTION. I was nearly freaking out. I spent a lot of money there...but I could easily spend that much every week! I have many Christmas projects to work on...you just might end up with these fabrics under your tree...... You never know.

The belly grows daily and is starting to amaze me. I think in the last week it's really "popped out" as it just seems huge (to me) and it's the first time random strangers have remarked on my pregnancy. My family this weekend (at the triplets baptism - OH MY GOD - SO CUTE) declared that there's no way I will go 2 more months. We'll see about that! I hurt - now walking hurts, quite a bit. Everything's sore. Standing, sitting, walking - it's all becoming less fun. *sigh* And the hormones are reemerging (did they ever leave?) and I'm getting weepy. Just now I cried at an episode I'D ALREADY SEEN of "Tori & Dean Inn Love" - yes, I happen to watch that show. Which surprises even me....but it was the season finale of the first season...where Tori goes into labor and gives birth to her son. Puddle, puddle, puddle. I am so lame.

Do you even feel like the weight of the world is sitting on your pelvis? Because I do. Yeouch.

I am getting fed up. Fed up with people who "commit" to something only then to flake out. When I say I'll do something - whether it's social, volunteer, work-related, etc I stick to it. If I absolutely can't keep my commitment because of something that happens I TELL whoever it is that I have committed to that I won't be able to do it, make it, etc. People are flaky. I know this. I know that my little life - social, creative, business, etc is only the most important TO ME but still - come on. If you're going to flake out on me, at least have the balls to tell me. Don't make me beg for you to REcommit at the last minute. I'm just sick of it.

Way too busy....working, editing some campaign stuff for our mayoral race (re-doing I should say...), calling people, calling people back, emailing people, being happy about certain things working out, getting seriously irritated that some people are flaking out, having meetings, doing more editing, learning that I'm an idiot, knitting (I seriously needed a break), dealing with crabby people (including me), taking MariAnna to a play (Winnie the Pooh), eating dinner WAY too late and now I'm ready for bed. OH and I got some amazing and wonderful and exciting news...but that is top secret. :) Baby B is unfazed.....of course..... ;) Time for this evening's "dance party." GOOD NIGHT!

I'm a participant in the Modern Letter Project and on their site a while back I noticed a "make your own envelopes out of recycled materials" tutorial. So, while my never-ending crap clean-out continues at home, I discovered a couple of beautiful calendars that I've been carrying with me (from home to home) for the past 7 or 8 years (!). I loved these photos but didn't know what to do with them....so I decided to make envelopes out of them. I tried the tutorial first, but I didn't like it. I didn't have any control over the size and the angles and that bugged me. So, I undid a standard "card envelope" that I use frequently for the greeting cards that I make, and made my own template from that. I then sat down and made envelopes out of 2 years + worth of calendar art. I think they turned out really nicely and I can't wait to use them! AND I got rid of more crap in the process...okay - mostly the crap just changed shape and moved locations, bu...