Naturally Optimistic

We took the red-eye back from LA last night. ugh. I hate that flight. I'm all too familiar with it. Yuck. But Miss Dahlia cooperated and we took a nap together. Not that that makes up for a night without sleep, but it does help. And she's especially cute today which helps as well. LA was good - we had a couple of good meetings & some great time with friends. Oh my friends. I miss them very very much. I have many pictures to post but tomorrow morning we're off to Longville with my family so i'm not sure if I'll get to it today. Today I must pack for the weekend and do some laundry. Happy Weekend!

I'm in LA for a couple days. Got here LATE last night....leave here on the red-eye Friday morning (Thursday night). Have a couple of meetings, going to meet up with some friends (yay!). We're staying in Hollywood - it's very weird to be back here. I was here last winter, but I didn't stay in Hollywood. It's so very strange to think about my life here. I can't believe I lived here. It's a swirl of emotions.

Someday I'll stop posting about my daughter's inability to sleep & the screaming. But today's not the day! New developments from the house of NO SLEEP. Now instead of going to bed awesomely on a very regular basis, she NEVER goes to bed! Not only does she NOT go to bed, she still wakes up in the middle of the night! She still will not sleep in her crib and she still screams for hours and hours. It's getting worse! I guess be careful what you complain about, eh? Last night she cried, no, screamed, from the time we put her down (just after eight) until almost 10 o'clock. Steve or I would go in every 15 minutes or so to "comfort her" (fat lot that did) and she was incredibly CLINGLY, grabbing on for dear life. What is going on? Finally nearish to ten I got her up and brought her downstairs WHERE she was happy as a lark. Playing with Beavis, climbing on us, requesting Baby Einstein videos (declined). I was exhausted and wanted to go to bed. So much for any...

I'm still struggling with my sense of who I am in this business. I know, in my brain, in my heart and in my soul that I am "good enough" and "smart enough" (Thanks Stuart Smalley) to kick ass and get a lot of shit done. But even while having this knowledge there is a fear, or a catch or a....I don't know what that holds me back. I feel like if was free I could do so much more but free of what? Why not test that theory by just plowing ahead? Make changes, take a stand and get the job done...but I don't. I sink back into my role as "secretary" and "brainless-chimp" and just fret and whine about it. I don't know how to stop this cycle. I don't know how to break free. I don't want to give up but I want to give up. I just don't know what to do any more.

Our week's meal plan is here ! Enjoy (ooh try the coffee cake - it was delish!)

You know when you try to do something, learn something, further yourself in your field or whatever but you're CONTSTANTLY being....what's the word? Put down? Not doing it right? You get sniped at for taking charge when charge-taking was exactly what they wanted you to do in the first page? I'M SO FUCKING SICK OF IT. I'm about an inch away from packing it all up and moving into the Boundary Waters permanently.

I'm looking for a good pattern for valances. I need to make one for Dahlia's room and a couple for our craft/play/guest room....I haven't had much luck looking at the (one) fabric store here in town. I really don't want to go to WalMart... any suggestions?

After 2 hours of FULL OUT HARD CORD BLOOD VESSEL BURSTING (well, you'd think!) SCREAMING last night (this from 8-10pm). I gave up. I went upstairs, picked her up, she calmed down. I went into our bedroom. Laid her on our bed and she didn't make a peep. She was awake. But just laid there. I went downstairs to get my water & my book, told Steve I was going to bed (with Dahlia) and got ready for bed. She was still awake, but just sitting there. SO TIRED. I laid down with her and she was asleep within minutes. Then I got up and read my book for a while in her room, because I cannot go to sleep without reading! Well, I could but.... I was tempted to crawl into her crib to sleep! But figured that wouldn't be too comfy. I returned to my bed and she slept. All. Night. In fact she slept til 8:30 this morning!! I do not want to co-sleep with her every night. I do not want to go down this path of bending to whatever she wants. But I'm at wit's end with the sleeping thing. ...

Maybe my child will go to bed peacefully...and sleep all night. I cannot currently imagine either scenario... *sigh*

The refi is complete! Whew! I didn't think it was going to go through for a while yesterday - not because of anything we did (or didn't do) but the banks & title companies are so overwhelmed right now with everyone refinancing that things are generally chaotic. The good news is, we had to come up with about $800 less that we originally thought. Which isn't a TON but was enough to make things a little less tight around here. Our mortgage is now $6k less than it was; our monthly payments are almost $200 less. Our taxes will be going down a little bit too because I had the city accessor come out and reappraise our house (our appraisal & our tax statement were off by about 7%) - it won't be a ton but hey, I take what I can get. Now we only need to come up with another 10% of our mortgage to drop the evil PMI. I can't wait! Of course that'll take quite a while but a lot less since yesterday. We also make two payments a month which turns out to be an extra pay...

So they're re-doing the building my office is in. Again. When we moved in here a couple years ago, the place was virtually empty. A lot of days I was the only one here. Since that time they've re-done the (live) theater downstairs, the bathrooms, added offices, made offices REALLY beautifully nice and the building is full most days. Now they are gutting the front of the building & the building next door and the basement and adding a cafe & art house movie theater (yay!)....but during this time it's been construction almost constantly. Somedays do not affect me. Other days we have a guy right outside our (2nd story) window doing tuck-pointing. And other days (like today) we have LOUD sawing and jack hammering (or so it sounds) and vibrations. It's hard to get your head to do ANYTHING when you feel like you may fall through the floor like Wile E. Coyote at any minute. I'll try to snap some shots this week as I think the transformation is going to be pretty dan...

Saturday was Chris & Michelle's wedding. It was a very beautiful ceremony. It took place at the Moorish Room at Greysolon Plaza downtown. The ceremony was actually in the lobby area near the fountain and the reception was in the Moorish room. The ceremony was performed by an old family friend of Michelle's - Rabbi Amy (although neither Chris nor Michelle are Jewish). She made it a very personal, sweet ceremony and included a lot of their own words in letters they had each written to the Rabbi. I was touched to be mentioned (a few times) for setting them up! Michelle looked so pretty & just absolutely glowing. It's been a long time since I've seen her so incredibly radiant and that made me very happy! I'm also glad her evil headaches were kept at bay! The reception was a LOT of fun. Not only was it fun to hang out with my new friends (Michelle's friends Kristen, Kelly & Kari) but my OLD friends were there too. That's the benefit of being friends ...

To all the Mamas (and Mamas-to-Be) out there, Hope you have a fabulously wonderful day!

Dahlia had her second trip to the Lion's Pancake dinner yesterday. Last year though? She pretty much slept in her car seat. This year she was ALL ABOUT THE PANCAKES. It is hectic and crowded and noisy as usual and it was a little difficult with a huge jogger (we walked) and no high chairs but we managed, somehow. After the dinner we walked along the harbor & the canal; we saw our first big ship of the season. Dahlia wasn't too impressed but she did wave and say "bye bye" as it went past us. We stopped at "pebble beach" and Dahlia had a BLAST. She could play with rocks For Ever. She had a great time. Also? She would've crawled right into the water if we had let her. We'll save that for a while.... It was a beautiful spring evening. We don't often get such nice nights during the summer so it was really nice that we were out and could take advantage of it!

Project Postcard has been in effect for almost 3 months now. I've sent 13 postcards so far, not bad, but not great. If you haven't gotten a postcard yet (and I have your address) you probably will soon. If you'd like a totally random postcard from my traveling past, leave me a comment and I'd be happy to oblige. So far I've sent postcards from South Dakota, Wisconsin, New Orleans, NYC, the Tetons, the Ozarks and a few 'artsy' postcards too. Oh I haven't even scratched the surface of my San Francisco collection, my Yellowstone cards or the postcards from the South West. I have another batch ready to go - so maybe today's your lucky day! I remain, your TRULY dork-a-licious friend.

I have declared May the Productivity Month for me because I can't stand all the projects that I have in the works right now. I'm not sure how I'm doing but at least it seems to help if I name it. * paint Dahlia's room (includes patching, sanding, scraping, priming, painting) because it is driving me insane and no little girl should have to live in such a room. * remove wallpaper in our bedroom. It is HIDEOUS. And apparently impervious to water/fabric softener/vinegar. It's super fun to strip off. * write in and put the photos in Dahlia's baby book. * get our camcorder figured out and start editing the FL trip. * edit & sound design my short film (shot last fall!) I think those are my major projects. So far Dahlia's room has been patched, scraped & sanded. I think I might have a little more sanding to do, then priming. My folks are coming up next weekend and my hope would be to have it painted (hahahaha) by then. I don't think that'll happen. ...

Today has been one of those days where NOTHING goes as planned. Dahlia slept til 8am this morning (after being awake at 4am) so we got off to a late start. I will NEVER wake her up if I don't need to be out of the house and I didn't today so we laid in bed until she woke up. I watched her for a good 20 minutes or so. I can't resist watching a sleeping baby. She fell asleep in the stroller on the way home from lunch (had a lunch mtg at the Burrito Union). And instead of her usual 10 minutes I'M DONE naps, she napped for a couple of hours...even while I pushed her in the jogger up the very un-stroller-friendly trails in Chester. So....I never made it back to the office because by time she woke up it was after 3pm. Dinner tonight - the chicken casserole from one of my favorite cookbooks...the chicken breasts I bought were HUGE. I've never seen such huge breasts (haha). I thought (like an idiot) that they'd be done in 40 minutes. WRONG. So we baked them longer and l...

God Rocked is participating in an online film competition right now called Independent Features Film Festival. Go here and you can WATCH (I don't know if you have to watch the whole thing...) God Rocked in its entirety for free! Then vote on our film and help us get to the live festival that's happening in July in Tribeca. We REALLY need your support!! The top 21 vote getters will be shown at this festival and it is so important for us to get more festival play. Please click, vote, send this on to your friends & co-workers & acquaintances, etc! If you have any questions, let me know! Oh! And check out this great review of God Rocked here: www.scienceblogs.com/gregladen

This week's meal plan is posted. I also put up some pics of the No Knead Bread which turned out great! Super easy and delicious. Especially if you like rustic breads - great for buttering and gobbling up. I tried making Applesauce Muffins from the Deceptively Delicious cookbook on Saturday morning - they were SUPER yummy (and healthy to boot!). Pics up of those too. (can you tell I just learned how to use my macro on my camera? Sheesh)

This makes me incredibly sad. It also makes me really angry. I didn't know about this right after it happened because I didn't know what the "honking tree" was. It was never my custom to honk at this majestic beauty while driving up Highway 61, but I did marvel at it every time I passed. It was a lone sentinel, watching out over the North Shore. It was old. It had been spared in a previous life. It was an icon. And now it's gone. Some asshole had to cut it down -for what? A prank? Malicious intent? Tree-hater? WTF is wrong with people? I will be very sad the next time I drive by it's stump...and I will probably honk my horn.

Today our family went and did our good deed right off the bat. We walked down to the Burrito Union at the lower part of Chester Park and joined in with others who were cleaning the place up. We were a little late, as usual, and we couldn't find the guy handing out bags, but that did not deter us. We walked back home and got our own bags. We were not to be deterred! WE ended up spending most of our time in the upper-lower parts of the park...the trails near the look out on 14th ave E, Along 14th Ave e and the lesser known trails headed up towards 8th st. We found so much garbage! Unbelievable! It was quite a haul back to the BU with our "finds" all the while pushing Dahlia in her jogger. Back at the BU we were disappointed to find out they ran out of t-shirts. *sigh* I love the Burrito Union's whole thing - (for those of you who don't know it's done in "socialist" style...so you order a Two-Fisted Fat Capitalist if you want a really big pulled pork bu...

when I was growing up it was common practice to do "May Baskets." Small, sometimes dixie cup sized, "baskets" filled with candy & a few treats. Maybe some flowers or something. No big deal, but it was fun. We used to deliver them to friends - ring the doorbell and run away. I don't really know the origins of this tradition - I'm guessing English/German/Scandinavian...but in Austin it was done - do any other Austinites remember this? When I moved to LA people had NO IDEA what I was talking about. Likewise here in Duluth. My husband thinks it just sounds weird...like, duh, Easter Baskets (they are so very different). One year, shortly after the Bogotts moved into their house by us, I found two small Easter baskets (or maybe it was just one, I don't remember) on our back patio. I will never forget how the melted chocolate looked on the goldfish cracker. I always remember that incident and think of Andrew running across the field between our houses to de...