Naturally Optimistic

The turkey dinner was a success! It was so much fun to have a house full of people. Granted our house is small so that is easy. :-) Plus with the temporary plywood cat barrier wall cordoning off the dining room - it seems really small. We all ate in the kitchen on the kitchen table and card table and that seemed to work out okay. The food went over very well - and I was so happy the turkey was delish and moist and everything a turkey should be. Even the gravy turned out! Must've been the lesson I got from The Boy's mom at Thanksgiving this year. :-) Yesterday I slept in late . Well, I stayed up with the neighbors til about 3am so it wasn't that much time but I felt a bit guilty nonetheless. Oh well. After finally getting up, the Boy and I cleaned all the dishes from the night before, de-limed Corona bottles and put things back in order. Yesterday afternoon we went for a nice ski on the Piedmont trail (very close to our house) and then went to his Dad's house for din...

The turkey's in the oven - yum...I can smell it roasting away. Yum.... The green bean casserole is ready to go into the oven. As are the sweet potatoes (I'm debating the marshmallow thing...hmmmm); the stuffing is yet to be made (the boxed kind, so sue me); the apple pie was made this morning. The table is set. The wine glasses ready. I'm using my NEW silverware :-) and my Grandma's china....am I missing anything? It's Thanksgiving in January! Okay - time to go check on things....hope all y'alls weekends are good....

Okay - it just cracked me up. The Boy stepped on my banana today (that's not a euphemism) when I was getting ready to go back to work after lunch. I had set it there, naturally, because I had to put on my shoes and where else do you put a banana that you're taking back to work as your mid-afternoon snack? That's right! The floor! Me: Hey, you're stepping on my banana! Boy: (looking confused) What? Why is there a banana on the floor? Me: uh... Boy: well, how often is there a banana on the floor? Anyway - I'm not telling it quite right but it threw me into fits of hysterical laughter. I mean really, how often are there bananas on the floor? *I didn't eat the banana at work. I ate a handful of hershey kisses instead. Mwah!

Today is a blah day. Blah blah blah. Work = utter, mind numbing boredom. Depressing boredom. And for everyone out there who "wishes" they were bored because they're so damn busy and important at their jobs - screw you. Boredom is horrible. It gives you WAY too much time to think about how lame your life is*. *and by that I do NOT in any way mean my lovely incredible wonderful boyfriend, my cats or my house or family...okay? Anyway - no word yet on the hotel reservations...it's annoying me but I'm dealing with that. We have a place to crash for the first 5 nights I suppose we can figure it out from there if necessary. Besides we'll be in MEXICO where it's routinely over 80 degrees and you can drink beer and lay on the beach. :-) Okay - time to go veg out for a while. I can't take this "thinking" any more.

Ugh - this vacation thing is starting to annoy me! First we booked a hotel - Fiesta Banana - we liked it. It looked clean, newish, nice, close to the beach but quiet, nice jungle-y green stuff around it, restaurant & bar on site. Then 5 days later we got an email saying - oh, um, The Fiesta Banana actually didn't have rooms for all the days we needed...did we want the alternative. So, I called Mexico (yes, the whole country) on Saturday to say - sure we'll take the alternative and that's fine. It's on the beach, it has a bar, rooms with a/c - perfect. Last night we still hadn't gotten a CONFIRMATION that we had that room for the full 7 nights. So I wrote them a *pleasant* email saying - could you please let us know what is happening - thanks. And today the Boy called and left a message and we were waiting waiting waiting. When I was home at lunch time the Boy was on the phone with the travel agent and he was offering us another alternative as of course the 2...

Just got done shoveling our delicious lake effect (affect? what is wrong with me?) snow...I call it "Hollywood snow" as there is NO WAY it is real! It is so light and fluffy and sparkly and really cool. And fairly easy to shovel - it's not that wet heavy crap which makes me quite happy. :-) Happy Hour - I am going there now so I must cut this short. My friend Peder just showed me to his blog - future poltergeist. Enjoy his movie & sports commentary! Oh - did I mention I'm going to MEXICO in 23 days? Yes, I'm just a little excited about it. In honor of the upcoming journey I will be eating homemade tacos, flan & drinking margaritas tonight (while watching the season premiere of THE APPRENTICE, naturally...) :-)

YIPEEE - I'm on cloud nine. The boy and I are going to Mexico in February! Trip was booked last night. I looking forward to sun, sand, romance, cervezas, snorkeling, jungles, ruins and getting out of this frigid cold northland. :-) This is one happy camper. 26 days and counting.

Snowy Day! Originally uploaded by carrster . What a wonderful guy - he's saving the tree from the heavy load of snow. Today is just cold (see previous post). Blech!

Okay - -45 to -50 windchill for tomorrow - yipee! They've already canceled school tomorrow - they did that at about 2pm this afternoon. I wish they'd cancel work. Hmph.

IMG_0302 Originally uploaded by carrster . And another picture - we got several inches today and it was awesome! The grill is sort of our unofficial snow gauge. :-)

IMG_0289 Originally uploaded by carrster . This pic was taken last Sunday from the backsteps. It had been overcast all day but the sun came out just at the end of the day. The colors were awesome.

I can’t get excited about anything. Well, I can but then I crush those thoughts with other depressing thoughts almost immediately. They range from the “important” to the mundane and silly but alas. I think I’m depressed. It’s very hard for someone who’s “naturally optimistic” to admit that they’re depressed but there it is. Obviously from recent posts that’s fairly easy to ascertain….I can’t figure out what I want to do with my life; I have no friends to hang out with; I work at a soul-sucking day job every day; I’m not being true to who I am; I’ve given up on dreams; I have no money; the film is not turning out how I expected it too – the thought of entering more festivals and facing more rejection is unbearable; I feel like an outsider looking in when I go to theatre events and I feel like that’s the place I should feel the most comfortable of all, etc etc. I just tried to ‘guesstimate’ my 2004 taxes and I * think * I’m going to end up owing close to $400 this year! WTF? I owed ...

Tonight we start working on the film again. Locked picture, music, sound -final. Ack. I'm not looking forward to it but I want it to be done. J has a grant deadline on Feb 12 and needs to submit a FINISHED product. Hopefully that will be enough of an incentive to wrap this NEVER-ENDING-BEAST-OF-A-PROJECT up! Ack.

This is the third year in a row that I have typed out each Sunday in the year by date (as in W/E 1/9/05 – our week’s here end on Sundays); it’s the third year I’ve put these on neat little labels and ripped out each on and carefully placed each one into a clear tab divider. This is the third year I’ve made three sets of these plus a bi-weekly set for our subsidiary. This is the third year that I have moved last year’s files to the back ‘archive’ shelves to make room for the new year. This is the third year that I have made resolutions and been determined to change my life and become happy in the every day. * long exhale * WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?!?!?!?!!?!??!?!?!?!?!

Sheesh. I mean, seriously – I don’t like my job…no, that’s not true. The job is okay it’s just not true to my “authentic self” – there is something else I should be doing….but I do this right now. Anyway – that’s not the point. I’m actually not crabby today even though everything is trying to push me that way. My co-workers are sleepy eyed and pissy today….I’ve gotten no “friendly emails” (which are what I live for ya know) and even my out-of-town friends are having problem after problem and I just think…MAN, wouldn’t it be nice to go to a job I loved surrounded by people who also loved their job? Wouldn’t it be nice to have people be excited about what they do instead of throw their hands up in desperation because they just can’t take it any more? I know that this is how it works but it’s getting old. I’m not happy here either but it’s better than the alternative…I’m at least not spreading my unhappiness around…I keep it to myself. But to listen to hours upon hours ...

When I was young and idealistic I used to compare myself with well-known actors (ie: movie stars) and think….they’re 25, I have plenty of time to get where I can get to where he/she is at their age. In my late 20’s I started looking at the 31+’ers who broke into music, theatre, acting, film “late” (as if I didn’t know they’d already achieved at least a modicum of success before their “overnight” fame)….Now at 31 (see the gap closing?) I see myself comparing myself to other bloggers I read….”well, she’s 34 now and having her 2 nd child and so witty and wonderful to read and funny and smart and stylish and makes me laugh, and has a wonderful husband, home,” etc etc So I have “plenty” of time to get married and have kids before I’m totally useless as a human being, right? I feel as though I’ve let myself down in a lot of respects…I have given up the “dream” of entertaining people (Broadway…where hast thou gone?) and (sort of) settled on the path of becoming a decent, creative, loving, c...

Dear Internet, I really want a free 20GB iPod. I love them. I love music. I love how cute and small it is....dorky but whatever. Here's my link FREE iPOD FOR CARRSTER Thank you... Much much much appreciated.... :-)

Okay – so…today – 3, count them 3 nalgene bottles full of water today. That’s 96 oz of water just while at work. Needless to say I think I’ve peed about 40 times but whatever…it’s supposed to be good for me! I’m trying to rid myself of about 10 extra pounds which are heartily annoying. I have also had 2 fruits/veggies – well, both fruits actually – one (large) Braeburn apple this morning as a ‘snack’ (no more bacon/cheddar ‘tato skins for this girl!) and half a can of peaches at lunch. Do the 3 (small) pumpkin (homemade) cookies I had for an afternoon snack count towards my fruits/veggies number? I am going to say “yes!” they do. Tonight for dinner I will have a salad which will contain…let’s say at least two servings of F&V – that includes lettuce, carrots, broccoli and um….I guess that’s it…that’s good though, right? I also didn’t start my morning with a Diet Coke. I’m trying to become less dependent and have cut back to only one can a day…which I think is admirable consid...

.... yesterday when I posted all those things I want to accomplish or stick to or strive for in 2005 I was so optimistic about everything. I felt great, I felt like I had a plan, I felt awesome. Today I feel like crap. Like none of those things are remotely possible - like the debt of my stupid ridiculous attempt at a career (ie: filmmaking) is a weight that keeps pulling me down and is drowning me. Today I just want to bury my head in the sand and cry....I realize I will get sand in my eyes and that will piss me off but I don't care right now. All my friends have moved away (or I moved away from them); I have no $ for paying my bills and yet I daydream about going on a vacation (yeah right) - at this rate the Boy will be going without me. I just want to scream and pull out my hair (which naturally looks beyond horrible today) and I don't know. It's all so frustrating. Once again I did what I said I wouldn't do - spent too much on Christmas and now I'll have t...

Inspired by Rockin’ Poncho’s list…I’ve created my own for a fabulous 2005! Health/Body 1. Exercise 3-4 times a week. 2. Ski/Hike a couple times a week, or at least go for a walk outside. 3. Sit ups/arm weights 4. Stop eating so much. 5. Less diet coke, more water!! 6. No smoking. 7. Less Beer. 8. More salads, less chips. Travel/Adventure 1. Trip to Florida or somewhere warm this winter 2. Trip to LA/Portland this summer 3. Lots of camping! 4. Visit every state park on the North Shore for camping and/or hiking/skiing at least once. 5. Visit a trail you’ve never been on before at least once every other month. 6. Keep writing in hiking journal/add digital pictures Arts 1. Audition for plays. 2. Find a singing group to be in. 3. Create new and interesting gifts. 4. Finish a project in a timely fashion once you’ve started. 5. Learn at least one new skill. 6. Make lots and lots of greeting cards Money 1. Continue to pay off debt, NO MORE CHARGING. 2. Stick to budget...